Enduring hell and then some
by SXYPigeon
Summary: What make someone Spectre material? Being an unstoppable force of lethal badassery while maintaining a solid moral compass. From her time on Mindoir to the eve of being assigned to the Normandy, Shepard endures and excels where others would crumble and fail. Eight chapters of canon-compliant prequel awesomeness (with weekly updates) just waiting to be read.
1. Chapter 1: The Invasion

"I still don't get it, Dad." The setting sun cast long shadows on the ground in front of them as Jane and her father walked toward Mindoir's city limits. The sky was lit by a thick patch-work of fiery clouds hinting at impending rain.

"What's there not to get?" The older Shepard rolled his neck and shoulders slowly, listening to each pop of his joints with a grimace. He wiped the sweat from his face and glanced toward the city in the distance.

"If the turians belonged to the Council, why did they attack us? I thought they had rules about how to interact with a new species." Jane pull her shirt away from her back and tried to coax cooler air against her warm skin.

"What did your teacher tell you?" They reached the dirt road leading to the city. He was avoiding the question just like every other time Jane had tried to ask him about his time in the war.

"That the turians were trying to prevent humans from opening a relay. It's against galactic law or something."

The older Shepard shook his head with a sigh. "That's the _official_ reason they gave us. That doesn't justify what they did. There was no warning, no crease-and-desist. Just an unwarranted attack, and then more attacks. They weren't looking to enforce galactic law – they were looking for a fight. To be the conquering heroes."

"But they were already heroes, I thought. They ended the Krogan Rebellion. They're on the Council." She examined the new freckles on her forearms to avoid catching her father's eye – she knew she was treading on thin ice.

"The rebellion ended over a thousand years before they encountered humanity." He looked out at the wheat fields to his right – the plants were nearly waist high. "The turians only have as much power as the asari and salarians want them to have. What the turians don't like to admit is that their economy is now completely reliant on the volus. The Council used the turians like they did the krogan: cannon fodder. Only, instead of castrating the species, they crippled their economy slowly over several decades. They _were_ given a seat of the Council, but the asari and salarians run the show – always have, always will."

"Is that why so many people don't want humans to work with the Council?" Jane hesitated long enough to take a nervous breath. "Why we're out here on the edge of Citadel space?"

Shepard looked over at his daughter and smiled at her nerve. "That might have had something to do with it." He threw his arm around her shoulders. "But mostly it was because your mom and I wanted you and your sister to grow up away from the crowds and the politics on Earth. It can make a person bitter and angry. Here we have space, clean air and water, and can work the earth instead of fighting through traffic to get to a tiny cubical to do a meaningless job for a gigantic company that doesn't give a damn about you."

"You just kind of proved your point, I think," Jane said with a small smile.

"Well I think we both know you inherited your brains from your mother, not me."

Stacks of prefabricated homes came into view as the clouds above them began to rain down. Hours in the fields made the light drizzle a welcome relief. "So rumor has it a certain young man has been trying to catch your eye." Shepard gave his daughter's shoulders a squeeze before pulling away to study her reaction.

Jane felt her face begin to burn. "There may be some truth to that rumor."

"Oh, is there? And when do I get to meet this whelp?"

"Um, never," Jane said rolling her eyes. "Not after you scared off the last boy even remotely interested in me."

"Aw, come on. He was a pretentious little shit. I did you a favor."

"And scared off anyone else who might have been interested for nearly a year."

"Glare at me all you like, kiddo, but that's a win-win for me," he said with a chuckle. "Aw, come on. Are you sure it wasn't your mom's cooking. That varron meat we tried from Illium was awful. I don't know what Bob was thinking when he bought that stuff. _Asari delicacy _my ass." Shepard squinted north toward the city. "What the hell is Lang on about?" Jane followed his stare and saw a man in a security uniform waving frantically at them, urging them toward the city. "Let's not keep the man waiting."

They splashed through small puddles at a jog until the wailing of the town emergency sirens made them jump. "Shit, let's pick up the pace, Jane."

"Get to the bunker, Jared! We have incoming hostile ships approaching from the south and west!" Lang yelled over the noise once they reached him.

Shepard grasped the security officer's hand briefly. "Thanks, Ed."

More security officers raced past Jane and her father as they set off toward their home. They ran through masses of people pouring from the prefabs lining the dirt roads. "Stay close," Shepard called back to Jane as they cut through the crowd. "We need to get your mom and sister!"

It was slow going with the streets so crowded; many people yelled angrily as the older Shepard as he pushed his way between his neighbors.

"Thank god! Jared, we have to go!" Jane's mother yelled as she and her younger sister hurried down the stairs of their home to meet them.

"I know, I know!" He hugged both of them and led the way to the city bunker. The crowd ahead of them was thicker now. Over the sound of the sirens, Jane could hear the first sounds of gunfire behind them. "Dad, that sounds really close!"

"Just keep going," he said as he let his wife and youngest lead and fell behind Jane. He drew his pistol as he and Jane glanced back at the smoke coming from where they had met Lang not minutes before. "Take a left up here!"

The crowd was now nearly in a full-blown panic. Over the sirens and gunfire were desperate shouts to family and friends – voices full of fear that Jane felt acutely. To the right, two or three streets over, an explosion sounded.

"That can't be right. Ed said they were coming from the southwest!" Debris rained down on them as the drizzle continued to fall. Whoever was attacking was already surrounding the town, boxing them in.

Terrified screams filled the air around them as more gunfire came from the direction of the explosion. Jane looked back only to have her father prod her on the shoulder. "Just keep going."

_We need to keep up_, Jane thought. There was safety in numbers and they were losing it. The crowd was thinning as people panicked and veered off the main road to the city center. "Hannah! Pick up the pace!"

"Come on, Elli," her mother said calmly as she tightened her hold on her youngest daughter's hand. Jane heard her sister's labored breathing hitch with fear. Behind them, Jane heard shouting in a language she'd never heard before.

"Shit – Go left! Take that street!" The screams and gunfire were closer than ever now, all around them.

"How far are they, Jared?" Her mother's voice was still calm and clear as she took a left and then a right, still moving quickly toward the bunker.

"Within range." It took Jane a few moments to realize what he meant. _Within firing range._ She tried to focus on her dad's steady breathing behind her rather than the chaos around her. _They're catching up to us._

"Don't look, sweetie. Just keep going," her mother said quietly to Elli. To the left were bodies of other colonists, gunned down, staring with unseeing eyes. _How could they be into be this far into the city already?_

"Hannah, wait!" Her dad eyed the body filled street shrewdly. There was no crowd anymore, just a few terrified looking people running past them. "This way. The batarians have been through here already. They're moving towards the city center, toward the bunker."

"Okay, where are we going then?" she asked as she led the way with Elli.

"To the woods if we can make it." His voice was quieter and her mother took notice and slowed their pace, being careful check the next corner before moving forward. "Jane, take your sister's hand. Hannah-"

"I know," she said quietly as she pulled a pistol identical to her husband from the small of her back. "I need you girls to be very quiet, okay?"

Jane and Elli nodded. The screams and gunfire were still all around them, but farther away now. The sirens continued to wail overhead.

The streets here were full of more dead, rain water mixing with blood splattering the white prefab walls. Mom moved with measured steps, both hands on her gun. Dad's breathing was quiet now. Elli's hand was clammy. Jane was shivering.

"Wait." Mom stopped and dropped to one knee as she looked around the next corner. "Three of them, all armed," she whispered to Dad. He crouched next to her and looked. He pulled her back towards their daughters. "Stay here."

Jane watched as he backtracked and turned down the next street toward the batarians. The wait seemed to last forever before they heard the gunshots. Mom glanced around the corner and urged them forward. "Quickly," she whispered.

They moved together past the now empty alley. Heavy footsteps thudded behind them as all three turned to see Dad running up to them. "Left!" he mouthed, pointing to a gap between two prefabs. It was another body-strewn alley. He skidded to a stop on the wet grass and followed them. "I think we're clear."

Jane let out a shaky breath and squeezed Elli's hand. Elli was staring at a woman slumped against the wall in front of them, red staining the front of her shirt. "Don't look, Elli," Jane said as she pulled her sister into a hug.

"Alright, let's keep moving," Dad whispered as he put a hand on each of his daughter's shoulders. Far off to the right there were a series of large explosions, forceful enough to rattle the windows of the prefabs around them. "Now, let's go."

Mom moved forward and checked around the corner, but drew back immediately. Her eyes were full of fear for the first time. Dad swore softly and closed his eyes. "Under the prefab, girls. Hurry!"

They crawled on their stomachs and shimmied underneath. From here, Jane could see five pairs of boots that must have belonged to the batarians. She craned her neck and saw her parents' boots move toward the corner of the prefab. The sound of her parents' pistols made Jane and Elli jump – it took too long for the shooting to end.

"Girls let's go, come on! Quickly!" Jane tried not to focus on how much her mother's voice wavered as she pushed Elli forward and followed. Dad was slumped against the wall holding a hand to his side – blood trickled between his fingers.

"Dad?" He looked up and smiled at her. "Help me up, kiddo." His voice was light, but his eyes were squinting through the pain.

Jane took his free hand pulled back with all of her weight. He rose slowly with a grunt of pain. "Let's get moving. They'll have noticed that."

They moved together like before, but every few steps Mom would look back at Dad, the stain on his shirt growing with every step.

"Take a right . . . up here." His voice sounded so quiet and uneven; Jane turned back to look at him . . . and watched a group of batarians spill from one of the side streets.

The look on her face must have given her away because he turned before she could say a word and leveled his pistol at them. "Run!" he hissed. He waited to fire until the batarians noticed him. By then, Jane and her mother and sister had rounded the corner of the nearest prefab.

There was no ignoring the gunfire behind them or how short it lasted. Jane felt her eyes sting sharply, but gripped Elli's hand tighter and followed after their mother.

There was no glancing around corners or trying to keep quiet. They could hear the batarians' heavy footsteps following them, their rough voices shouting impatiently.

Two corners down opened into a wider street near the outskirts. There were portable blockades between each of the prefabs and batarians keeping watch, their backs to the city center. Mom skidded to a stop and braced as Jane and Elli ran into her back. She shook her head and led them back the way they came.

By a stroke of luck, their pursuers overshot them and were jogging along the road perpendicular. Mom waited for them to pass a few more prefabs before moving forward after them along a parallel street. They had gone a few dozen meters when the sirens finally stopped. The silence was unnerving and was immediately interrupted by shouts of victory from the batarians, revealing just how surrounded they were.

Mom kept up a swift pace, constantly glancing down side streets with her pistol ready. There was no time to notice the bodies along to road or how much colder the rain felt. Jane kept a vice-like grip on Elli's hand, scared that her little sister would snap from the stress and fear at any moment. She was barely keeping it together herself.

"Down here, hurry!" Jane and Elli scurried down another alley. More batarians came into view as Jane tried to stop herself and Elli from barreling into the next street and into view. Mom came up behind them – Jane could hear the fear in her labored breathing.

She tugged them back the way they came slowly. They'd nearly made it back to the end of the street when a batarian noticed them and shouted. More batarians voices sounded. "Go, go, _GO!_" Mom shouted as she pushed Jane and Elli ahead of her, putting herself between them and the batarians. Shots fired – behind them, their mother screamed out in pain.

The way was blocked by an armored batarian. He smiled in a sinister way as he raised a shotgun, but an explosion of red mist replaced most his head before he could fire a shot. Jane looked back and caught her mother as she staggered forward, the pistol in her mother's hand forced into Jane's chest. She could feel warmth of the barrel through her soaked shirt. "Take it . . . and run, sweetie," her voice shook violently. She took one last rattling breath before she went limp in Jane's arms.

"Elli, come on!" she shouted as she grabbed hold of her sister's hand again. She pulled her around the corner away from the other batarians, but as she did, Elli stumbled and cried out. Jane crouched down and tried to pull her to her feet, but stopped when she saw the blood staining her sister's thigh. "_No_."

Elli was crying and clutching fearfully at Jane. "Don't leave me, Jay! Don't let them get me!"

Jane looked desperately around for help, for a miracle, but found none. "I'm here, I'm not going to leave you," she said as she hugged her. She felt warm tears running down her face, mixing with the rain and batarian blood. This was it. She positioned herself and aimed with shaking hands at the corner of the prefab and waited for the four-eyed monsters to appear.

The first one looked startled as Jane fired nearly pointblank into his face. The second one jumped back in shock as he was sprayed by bits of gore from his companion – Jane fired again before he could aim his weapon. She sucked in a quick breath and pivoted around the corner and caught the last two staring at their fallen comrades with wide eyes. More shots fired. The last two batarians fell on top of her mother's body.

"Alright, Elli. We have to go." Jane scooped her up and tried to set her on her feet, but Elli cried out, "I can't, I can't!" Her voice was filled with panic and pain.

"We don't have a choice! Lean on me and I'll help you walk." Jane hated herself as she forced her sister to her feet again and wrapped an arm around her. Elli was choking back sobs and clenching tightly to Jane's shirt. _She'll never be able to make it to the forest . . ._

The sun was set now and the lights around the city still hadn't turned on. The rain continued to pour.

"Not too much further, Elli," Jane whispered. "We just have to keep going." Elli didn't answer. Her eyes were shut tight against the pain. _Just keep going._

There were shouts from batarians and screams of pain ahead. Jane pulled Elli into the shadows of the nearest prefab and waited. A group of batarians was leading a line of humans in chains to the western edge of the city. The humans looked bloodied and scared.

Jane helped Elli hobble back onto the street and set off toward the wooded area northwest of the city. They still had a long way to go.

"You're doing great, Elli. We're almost there." Her sister's breathing was shallow and her pace was slowing. "Just keep going."

"Jay . . . I'm tired . . . I can't . . . I can't-"

"Okay, okay," Jane whispered soothingly. "Over here." There was a small space between two prefabs. Jane lowered Elli to the ground and sat beside her. She pulled Elli into her lap and wrapped her arms around her.

"I'm so cold."

"I know, Elli." Jane ran her fingers through her sister's wet hair. She wanted to just stay here, just close her eyes and pretend this was all a terrible dream, but Elli's shallow breathing kept her alert.

They couldn't hide here for long – these batarians were slavers. Every colony in the Traverse had a plan for slaver attacks. Theirs was simple: go to the bunker or get as far away from the city as possible. Slavers were thorough, every slave captured was worth a small fortune for them. They knew where to look and how to flush out their prey.

The rain had finally begun to let up when Jane decided they needed to move forward. Elli was sleeping, at least she hoped she was and hadn't passed out from blood loss. Knowing she wasn't strong enough to cradle her sister in her arms, Jane pulled her carefully into a fireman's lift. Elli moaned in her sleep, but didn't wake.

Jane ignored the fatigue weighing her down just as much as her sister's weight and kept her pistol ready. Behind her, in the distance, she could hear more of her neighbors being led out of the city against their will. _The fighting must be over . . . No one is coming to save them . . . to save us._

_Just keep going . . . just keep going._ Jane trudged down a side street. Her clothes were soaked and she was chilled to the bone. _No one is coming . . . just keep going. _Behind her, she heard heavy footsteps splashing through the puddles she had just passed. _No . . ._ She tried to turn around, but was backhanded viciously. She lost her footing and she and Elli feel to the ground.

Lights were still flashing beneath her closed eyes when Jane felt a sharp kick to her diaphragm. Her mouth opened in a silent scream. She felt her mother's pistol digging into her rib cage where she had fallen onto it. The crunching of boots warned her of another attack.

Jane rolled away from the kick onto her back and pulled the gun from beneath her. Her shots went wide, but were enough to cause the slaver to take several steps back in alarm and draw his own pistol. She focused through the pain and fired. The batarian roared in pain as the bullet obliterated the top of his skull. He shot blindly as he fell backward and began to twitch wildly, before suddenly stopping.

"_Shit _. . ." Jane pressed her hand to her chest. _That hurts__, that _really_ fucking hurts_. Her hand was covered in her own blood. _Elli, I need to get to Elli._

She rolled onto her side and gritted her teeth. Elli was on her side next to her. _Just keep going._ It hurt to breath. Jane pushed herself onto all fours and rolled her sister toward her. _No . . ._

Elli's face was so white and clammy. "Elli, Elizabeth!" Jane began to cough and collapsed next to her sister. Blood filled her mouth. With a shaking hand, she reached out and searched for her sister's pulse. _No, please, no. _Her eyes began to burn mercilessly. "_Elli . . ."_

* * *

A/N: This story will span from the death of Shepard's family to just before being assigned to the Normandy - OCs are kept to a minimum. The whole thing is already written, so I was thinking about posting a new chapter each week unless anyone has any objections. Thanks for reading (and reviewing if you choose to).


	2. Chapter 2: First Impressions

_**CLICK!**_ _Buzzing . . . the street lights are finally on_. Jane sucked in a wheezing breath. She had passed out. It must not have been for long – the sky was still dark, but the clouds had cleared.

She was so cold and so tired. Her vision was blurry; her jaw ached. Moving her head made her dizzy. She closed her eyes and waited for the relief unconsciousness would bring.

* * *

This wasn't supposed to happen. These colonies had defenses against attacks like this, but it hadn't mattered. The bunker he and his men had found under the city had been a blood bath. Unable to breach the door, the batarians had blasted through the floor above the bunker. So many colonists, just gunned down, so much senseless death.

Lieutenant Commander David Anderson undid the clasp under his chin and removed his helmet. The air was cool and damp on his face. _Goddamn, batarians._ "McNeal, Avery. Head north. Benning, with me. Northwest. Priority is finding survivors and cataloging the dead. We need to know how many are missing and presumed captured. Head out."

He knew they wouldn't find many survivors, if any. Batarian slavers were thorough bastards. The colony's distress call had been blocked. The only reason the Alliance had come to investigate at all was because of the increased traffic at the mass relay. What the scout had reported was beyond anything they could have imagined - a batarian blockade and a full scale attack on Mindoir. It was another hour before enough ships could be gathered to attempt a rescue.

The bastards hadn't lingered long. They fought back long enough to pull their people off the planet and retreated via FTL travel. Hails to Mindoir went unanswered and the main city remained dark. Anderson's team was one of the first to reach the main entrance to the city.

Everything had been charred and smoldering mess. Half of Mindoir's security force had been wiped out in a series of explosions there. That, ironically was where they had found the first survivor. Unconscious and missing part of his left leg from the knee down, his saving grace had been the explosion cauterizing his leg and minimizing blood loss.

The path to the city center told a gruesome story. Colonists face down, shot in the back as they fled north to the bunker. The batarians had surrounded the town and herded their prey to the bunker that was supposed to holdout until help arrived.

Anderson sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. His men were not holding up well. They were all seasoned marines, but no one had seen slaughter like this since the First Contact War. Civilians . . . children, there had been no mercy.

With the lights back on, everything seemed so much worse. Every halo of illumination hinted at some new horror, some new image to be burned into their memories.

"_What the hell?_ Sir, what do you make of this?" Benning called out ahead of Anderson.

The commander finished scanning the bloodied colonist in front of him and slowly straightened from his crouch. Benning was around the next corner, shining the light from his omni-tool on a pile of bodies. Five batarian corpses, the most they'd found in one spot, and one woman. The prefab on the left was painted liberally with slowly drying blood.

"Someone got the jump on them," Anderson muttered as he crouched down. "She," he said pointing to the woman, "might have taken out the batarian on the bottom, but there must have been someone with her or near her to take out the rest."

Anderson stood and surveyed the scene again. "I don't think she was heading towards the bunker, at least not when she died. Maybe heading out of the city. We should have a patrol search the woods north of the city for survivors."

Benning began cataloging the dead while Anderson gave the order over the comm. They continued on in silence, every few feet stopping to scan a body or inspect a blood smear. They hadn't gone more than a few blocks before they found another batarian body.

Anderson had to resist the urge to kick out at the dead slaver when he saw two smaller bodies a few steps ahead. _Not more kids._ He crouched down and activated his scanner. A blue light and a soft ping. Anderson heard Benning's gasp behind him. _One of them was still alive._

The commander reached for the pistol gripped loosely in the older-looking of the two's right hand. It was like he'd shocked her. Wild, green eyes snapped open and stared from Anderson to Benning as she fought to keep hold of the weapon.

"Easy, easy!" Anderson said as he managed to switch the safety of the pistol on and placed a hand on her shoulder, "We're here to help. We're Alliance." He saw a glimpse of understanding pass over her pale, bruised face before she released the weapon and let her arm fall bonelessly.

Anderson stowed the pistol and retrieved a medi-gel syringe. "Hold still, this will help with the pain." She clenched her eyes shut as the needle pierced the skin of her shoulder. Her breaths were shallow and uneven. "Benning-"

"Yeah, I'm on it, sir," he said as he backed up and spoke into his comm.

Anderson removed his helmet and rolled the young woman onto her back. Blood soaked nearly a third of her chest, originating from a small hole above her right breast, near her clavicle. "_Elli . . . where's . . . where's Elli?" _Her voice was so soft, Anderson had to bend down to hear her. He looked to the other small body beside them, the one that hadn't lit up his omni-tool and pinged. "_My sister . . . she's hurt . . ._"

Anderson couldn't meet her worried eyes. He began tending to her bullet wound. "She didn't make it," he said softly. He could feel her shivering beneath her damp clothes. "I'm sorry."

Her tears were silent, though Anderson suspected it was because she was too exhausted to properly mourn. He extracted another medi-gel and injected it near the wound. "What's your name?"

She didn't answer for a several moments. "Shepard . . . Jane . . . Shepard." Her breathing was more even now. "They're all dead," she said in a hollow voice with blue, shaking lips.

Anderson heard Benning yell to the paramedics around the corner before leading the group over to him. The commander tried to move out of the way, but Jane reached out for him. He clasped her outstretched hand in his. "I'll be right over here, Jane. These people are here to help you." He rested her hand on her stomach and stood next to Benning.

"Not all of that blood was hers," Anderson said softly.

"You think she killed him, sir?" The younger man nudged the slaver's corpse with his boot.

Anderson nodded. "Did you get a good look at the woman we found with the other batarians a ways back?"

Benning stood silently for a moment before sneaking a glance at the little body next to the survivor. "The little girl and the woman both have the same blond hair. The ginger is the little girl's sister?"

Anderson nodded again. "I think their mother was killed, she took the pistol, and surprised a whole lot of batarians."

"_Fucking hell_ . . ."

"She nearly shot me when I tried to take it." They stood in silence and watched the paramedics work. An oxygen mask obscured most of the young woman's face. "What's the total now? Five survivors?"

"Six technically, but I think one died in surgery, sir." The paramedics were moving her onto a gurney. She looked like she was sleeping.

"How is she?" Anderson asked as the paramedics began to pack up their supplies.

The nearest one straightened up. "It could have been worse. She got lucky. Nothing major was hit. Blood loss and hypothermia to worry about at the moment."

"Where are you taking her?"

"The Einstein."

Anderson and Benning stepped aside and let the men pass with the survivor. "Let's keep searching," Anderson said quietly as he put his helmet back on.

* * *

Everything felt heavy. The air smelled of antiseptics. Sharp pain radiated from multiple points on her body. There was a soft humming all around her. Shepard cracked an eye open. Blurry images in dim lighting began to slowly take shape. "Oh, you're awake! How do you feel, dear?"

Shepard tried to move her head toward the regal sounding voice but stopped short and moaned in pain. "I'm sorry – it's best not to move too much at the moment." The tired face of a middle aged woman hovered over her. "I'm Doctor Chakwas. How do you feel?"

Shepard licked her cracked lips. "Fine." Her voice sounded hoarse and weak.

The doctor laughed quietly. "How many times a day do I hear that from soldiers returning from battle?" She pulled up a chair next to the bed. "I'm afraid you're going to have to be a bit more specific." She appraised her with shrewd, but kind eyes. "Let's start from the top – how is your head? I've managed to minimize the swelling to the right side of your face and reset your jaw, but I imagine you have quite the headache."

"Yeah, you could say that." It took a conscious effort to persuade her lips to form words.

"What about your chest? I removed the round from the inside of your shoulder blade, but I'd give it another forty-eight hours before you try to move your right arm."

"It feels okay." It didn't, but it seemed like too much effort to try to quantify the amount of pain she was in into words.

"You had a few other grazes – all healing well with a bit of medi-gel – but I think we covered the major points." Chakwas retreated out of view and returned with a syringe that she emptied into the IV attached to Shepard's arm. "That should help with the pain. Now that I've just pumped you full of narcotics, are there any other concerns you may have?"

Shepard closed her eyes. It hurt to think. "Did anyone else survive? Was the bunker safe?"

"Only a handful survived, I'm afraid. The bunker was breached. All of survivors that were found were like you – injured and left for dead." She didn't mince words and though the words hurt to hear, Shepard was grateful. There would be no false hope. "There is one more thing to attend to before I let you rest. An Alliance officer would like to have a word with you if you're up for it."

"What does he want? . . . You know more about what happened than I do."

"To be honest, I think he just wants to make sure you're okay. Commander Anderson was one of the officers who found you." Chakwas gave her a warm smile. "After all of the death he has seen today, I think he would like to see that at least someone survived."

"Okay." She was too tired to argue and whatever had been in that syringe was making her brain fuzzy. Jane didn't notice the door to the infirmary opening or a barrel chested marine sit beside her.

"Miss Shepard?" His voice was soft and deep. It took moment for Jane to realize she was supposed say something.

"Hi."

"Hello," he said. He took a moment to study her face before continuing in the same quiet voice. "I don't know if you remember me – my name is Lieutenant Commander David Anderson."

"I remember you." She couldn't speak above a hoarse whisper.

Anderson nodded and shifted in his chair. Light reflected off the metal pins on his uniform signifying his rank and off the ring on his left hand. "How are you doing?"

"Fine . . . all things considered."

He nodded again. Even under the influence of strong narcotics, Jane could tell he was stalling. She didn't care though – she could feel herself beginning to nod off.

"I'm going to need to get a statement from you about happened," he paused and rubbed his face roughly, "but that can wait until you've had some rest. If you need anything, just let the good doctor know and I'll do what I can."

"Did you find them?" Her eyes were half closed and her voice was even softer than before.

"Your family?" Anderson stared at his hands for a moment before answering. "We recovered the remains of First Lieutenant Jared Shepard, his wife Hannah, and his youngest daughter Elizabeth. There are no plans yet for a burial or memorial service, but once I know, I'll let you know."

"Okay." She didn't want to hear anymore . . . or feel anymore. Shepard gave up on staying awake. She didn't feel Anderson rest his hand on top of hers, didn't see Dr. Chakwas lay a hand on his shoulder, and didn't realize that, for a moment at least, she wasn't alone in the galaxy.

* * *

A/N: Don't worry this is about as sappy it gets. Next up is life on Bekenstein.


	3. Chapter 3: Riots aren't fun

An icy wind blew across Shepard's face as she finished her sandwich. It was lunch break at the prison of a school she was now forced to attend. Everything about the school, and the colony for that matter, rubbed her the wrong way.

Bekenstein was everything Dad had said was wrong with Earth. From the crowded manufacturing district the school was located in, to the towering skyscrapers in the distance where the more affluent residents lived, everything felt superficial and segregated. The nearest forest or open field was several miles away, farther than she was allowed to travel unescorted.

The school itself was fairly new – Bekenstein wasn't colonized until after the First Contact War – but its unimaginative design and oppressive interior made the days much feel much longer than necessary. Lunch break was the only time Shepard could escape – it didn't matter to her that the temperature was near freezing outside.

The door to the cafeteria opened with a _**BANG**_and Shepard looked up from her meal. Two boys about her age strode out to the middle of the basketball courts nearby. The one in front keep looking back anxiously at the other. More people were flooding out of the cafeteria after them. Shepard went back to her sandwich.

Fights were common here. It was impossible to shove this many people into such a small space without expecting people to piss each other off. This one looked a little worse than usual though – the anxious-looking kid was barely half the size of his pursuer.

Shepard finished her sandwich and sighed. She usually avoided people in general, but the victim was a resident at the orphanage she now begrudgingly called _home_. What he lacked in size, the kid made up for in wit and it usually pissed someone off. By the way the crowd was yelling, it didn't sound like things were going too well for him. She hopped off of the bench she'd been sitting on and strode toward the mass of people.

Squeezing through the excited crowd was harder than she had anticipated, but what _she_ lacked in size, she made up for in decisiveness. She gave more than a few sharp elbows to idiots blocking her way. She squeezed between the last row of spectators and froze.

Witless – _What was his name? Andrew, Arnold . . . Shit, I have no idea – _was beating the shit out of more-wit-than-he-knows-what-to-do-with – _Odis__, almost one hundred percent on that one_. Odis had gone fetal, trying to block the savage kicks Witless was giving to his torso. There were no whistles or voices over the load speakers demanding the crowd to disperse yet – there might not be any for a few more minutes.

"Oi! I think you've made your point, man! He's learned his lesson!" It was nearly impossible to yell over the crowd and still sound calm and sensible.

Witless rounded on her. "No one asked for your _fucking opinion_, bitch! I'm not done with him yet!" He turned and landed an off balanced kick on Odis's shins.

"If you keep it up, there won't be anything left for you to beat the shit out of tomorrow. I've got only your best interests at heart."

"Well it looks like I'll just have to beat the shit out of _you_ then!" He turned away from Odis and began stalking toward Shepard.

_Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit! I really should have seen this coming._ "Hey, I'm not looking for trouble."

"Too _fucking_ bad!" He threw a wild hay-maker that Shepard stepped out of range of. The crowd was hooting and laughing and, assuming she wasn't just being paranoid, closing in on them. _Where the hell is security?!_

"Get the _fuck_ over here!" _Quite the extensive vocabulary this one has._ Shepard felt rough hands grabbing at her coat, trying to keep her in one place. _Damn it, that's not fair!_ Not wanting to experience the full rage of Witless, she drove her elbow back hard into the crowd and ducked under the next wild swing. The asshole who had been holding her was now crumpled on the ground. The crowd roared in anger. _And the shit will be hitting the fan in three . . . two . . . one-_

It was a music-less mosh pit, a hornet's nest of shoving and yelling – _Let's not mince words, this is a small scale riot. _Above the yelling and swearing, Shepard finally heard a voice over the loud speaker, saying what, she had no idea. Sometime after five elbows to the ribs, one to the face, and a very lucky punch above her right eye, Shepard found herself unable to breathe. She wasn't the only one either – the whole crowd was bent double or on the ground as another canister of tear gas was thrown into mess.

Shepard fell to her hands and knees coughing and choking; the tears streaming down her face were doing nothing to stop the agonizing burning of her eyes. She could hear security shouting nearby and felt a booted foot press her flat to the ground and her hands wrenched behind her back and bound by zip ties. _Well this is just too much fucking fun._ She was hauled to her feet and guided forward by a strong hand around her right bicep.

The air around her cleared of tear gas and Shepard gulped it down greedily, causing her to begin coughing harder than before. The guy in the security uniform might have said something to her, but she couldn't make it out over her coughing and the man's gas mask. She was walking blind.

The air changed again and the sound of more coughing and sobbing echoed around her. They were in the cafeteria. She was forced onto a bench next to a guy coughing and wheezing hoarsely and told not to move. _No problem there, it's not like I'm blind and asthmatic now._ She felt another person shoved down next to her. It took about ten more minutes before security stopped bringing people in, by then Shepard's vision had begun to clear.

"This has to be some sort of record!" Shepard and dozens of others around her craned their necks to find the source of the voice. It was the head of the school and he looked more than a little pissed off. "I came down here today to deal with a fight in this cafeteria, only to realize there is also a _riot_ going on outside! Let's keep this short and sweet: the whole lot of you are looking at a month of in-school suspension. Your punishment can be shortened by cooperating with security and answering all of their questions. Anyone insisting on continuing to cause trouble will be expelled. Is that in anyway unclear?"

A few people answered half-heartedly. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. Let's try again: was that in anyway unclear?"

"No, sir!" It sounded more aggressive than submissive.

"Good." He turned and began talking to the head of security. _Six weeks and I've already gotten into more trouble here than I ever had on Mindoir. Just fucking great. This place just keeps getting better and better._

* * *

After being spritzed in the face with a chemical to counteract the tear gas and interrogated for ten minutes, Shepard found herself sitting on the floor in a long line outside of the nurse's office. The gash above her right eye had mostly stopped bleeding as had her nose. Her ribs were sore, but didn't feel broken.

Not for the first time did she wish she was back on Mindoir. She wanted to sit on top of her family's prefab and feel the warm wind against her skin and just think. Bekenstein was just too crowded, too loud. She wanted to go home to a place that didn't exist anymore.

_There isn't anything there anymore, move on._ Almost as if to prove just how difficult that would be, memories of her family flooded her mind. Her dad flirting with her mom before dinner, having the wind knocked out of her by her younger sister's bull-rushed hug after coming home from the fields with Dad. Every uneventful breakfast they shared before leaving for school and work.

_I fucking hate this place._

* * *

A week later saw the city blanketed with snow – slushy, dirty, and all around unpleasant. Commander Anderson shoved his hands deeper into his pockets as he continued down the dreary street. He crossed the street and took a left down the next. Halfway down the block was a small, shuttered factory with a for sale sign bearing an extranet site to contact for more information.

Anderson followed the perimeter of the building to a fire-escape in the back – dirty slush was dripping from the rungs of the ladder. Using far more effort than he had hoped he would need today, he ascended the ladder and climbed three flights of slippery stairs. At the top, he saw a large group of teenagers, some smoking, some drinking, some just staring off into the distance. "Hey, who the fuck said _you_ were welcome here?!"

Anderson ignored the gangling youth trying to block his way further into the crowd and narrowed his eyes in searched of Shepard. "You deaf, old man? Get the-"

"Odis, shut the fuck up. It's cool, I know him," a clear voice said, startling the teenager. Shepard stepped around Odis and pulled back her hood, revealing a shock of dark ginger hair pulled back away from her pale face. "I'll handle this."

Anderson waited until the other teen was out of ear shot. "Charming place."

"It's not so bad if you can ignore the slush and two-thirds of the idiots who come here to get high or wasted." Shepard eyed the soldier intently. "Abir tipped you off?"

"She said when you're not in your room, you're either at school or here. She's far more perceptive than she lets on." Anderson shuffled his feet to keep the feeling in them. "Do you mind if we go somewhere warmer and talk?"

"There's a fast food place nearby. You're buying." Shepard led the way down the stairs. "I take it you heard about the riot thing."

"I was notified," he said. His voice was just as deep and calming as the first time Shepard had heard it. "And I decided to check up on you." They dropped back down into the alley. "Where to?"

Shepard pulled her hood back over her head and set off at a brisk pace. The bulk of her sweatshirt and coat hid her petite frame and rather unique hair color. No one gave them a second glance as they strode down the sidewalk. Two coffees and a couple of burgers later, they were sitting at the back of the restaurant watching a new bout of snow fall.

"I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you hate it here."

Shepard look at Anderson across the table and matched his smirk. "Yeah, what gave it away? The fantastic weather? The excellent schools? The all-around pleasant atmosphere?" She wrapped her hands around her cup and noticed Anderson's ring was missing. "So why are you really here?"

"What do you mean?" Anderson leaned back in his chair.

Shepard took a sip. "I'm not very familiar with military ranks, but I figured keeping tabs on a hooligan was a task better fit for someone below the rank of _Lieutenant Commander_."

"Staff Commander."

"What?"

"I've been promoted to Staff Commander."

"Congratulations. Same point applies."

Anderson smiled. "Smart arse."

"Smart _ass _and you're avoiding the question."

"Alright." He leaned forward on his forearms on the table. "I do get notified when something on your file gets flagged, but usually I would just send someone to check on you. I'm here because I have shore leave on the Citadel and Bekenstein is just a short flight away."

"And your missing ring is why you're not spending your shore leave with your wife."

"That's about right. Divorce was finalized a few weeks ago."

"Ouch."

"Not everyone is cut out to be a military spouse. Not enough shore leave . . . Although now it feels like too much. I guess this is more of a working vacation."

Shepard laughed. "And here I thought you actually cared."

Anderson's eyes became harder and his face grim. "I do care about you. I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

Shepard stared at the last drags of her drink. "Okay."

"You're not as alone as you think."

"It sure as hell feels that way most of the time." She stared out the window, longing to be back on top of the warehouse – she needed to think.

"What are your plans for after school?"

"I don't know. Getting the hell off this planet? I haven't gotten further than that."

"Think about joining the Alliance. It'll get you out of here."

Shepard snorted. "Is that the only thing it has going for it?"

"No, but that sounds like the most important thing to you." Anderson cleaned up the table. "Anything for the road?"

"Are you actually offering or are you just being nice?" Anderson cocked an eyebrow. "Okay then, another coffee would be great."

The snow had turned to sleet, making their progress slow and miserable. They had barely set foot in the orphanage when the caretaker yelled out, "Don't you dare drip slush on that floor, Jane Shepard! I'd like it to stay clean for more than ten minutes."

"Okay, okay." Shepard turned to Anderson. "Thanks for the food and advice."

"Sure, try to stay out of trouble, okay?" He held out his hand. "I don't have enough shore leave to check on you every month."

She shook his hand. "I wouldn't want you to suffer coming here that often. I still don't know why this isn't just a prison colony."

"Location, location, location," Abir said from the next room.

"She has a point," Anderson said with a smile. "Thank you again for your help, Ms. Amira."

"Commander," Abir said as she stepped into the hallway with a basket full of laundry, "if you really wanted to thank me, you'd take her off my hands. I don't think I've ever gotten a straight answer out of this one."

"I've only been here two months, give it time."

"I wait anxiously for the day." She thrust the basket of laundry into Jane's arms. "Since you're here-"

"Anderson wanted me to walk him to the docks. He forgot the way-"

"You'd rather go back out there than fold laundry?" Anderson asked with a chuckle.

"There are two dozen of us here," Shepard said miserably.

"I'll let you get to it then."

"That's cold, Anderson."

"Stay out of trouble, Shepard. A pleasure meeting you, Ms. Amira." With a chuckle he turned and slipped out the door and back into the sleet.

* * *

A/N: The official start of Anderson's mentoring. Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4: Lying to your CO is bad

"Service Chief Shepard, that is some report." Her CO's stare was as hard and icy as Bekenstein's coldest winter. "And to be honest, I'm not sure if I believe a word of it."

_Well, I made it twenty-three months. I've had a good run. _"I'm sorry to hear that, Ma'am." _No emotion, don't blink, don't blink. _

"I bet you are." The older woman stood and began to circle Shepard as the younger woman stood at parade rest. "Would you like to know what I think happened, Chief?"

"Yes, Ma'am." _Keep breathing. _

"I think the mission was progressing as planned: Your team made it into the slaver outpost undetected. Rollins led the three of you right up until," she growled, taking a moment to let Shepard squirm, "you lot found a whole bunch of slaves. Now what happens next, Chief?"

**_Oh, shit_, Shepard thought. There had to be at least a dozen humans in that tiny cell and who knows how many more in the nine other cells. Rollins hurried toward the steel bars and stared – his whole body shaking. "Those fucking bastards," he whispered still looking at the captives. "We need to get them out of here."**

**"How?" Evans voice shook with suppressed rage as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "These people are in no shape to put up a fight, let alone make it out of here under their own power."**

**Rollins turned and gestured back at the captives. "We can't just leave them here to be sold like livestock!"**

**"We have our mission," Azarov said softly. "There's nothing we can do for them. We need to keep moving."**

**"Fuck you! Shepard, back me up here!"**

"I don't know, Ma'am." _Just keep quiet._

"I think Rollins lost it. I think he took one look at the slaves and couldn't stop looking. I think you, Evans, and Azarov tried to snap some sense back into him, but couldn't. I think he refused to carry on with the mission until he freed them and I think that's when the slavers caught wind of all of you."

**Shepard unclipped her helmet and took it off. "Rollins, I want to save these people as much as you do, but we just can't. We don't have the resources to spring them all."**

**"Bullshit! I'll do this myself!" At the end of the corridor, a red flashing light began to strobe.**

**"Rollins, please don't do this," Shepard pleaded.**

Shepard swallowed and knew her CO had noticed. "And then what happened? Rollins insists on taking out every slaver and saving the captives instead of grabbing the intel and leaving. He orders the three of you to abandon the mission and go against a direct order from _me._ What did you do, Chief? Did you listen to Rollins?" The older woman waited. "I want an answer, Shepard."

**Rollins ripped off his helmet and bore down on Shepard. His face was lined with rage as his eyes pleaded for understanding. "We've both lost our families to these monsters. I won't leave these people to a slow and painful death!"**

**Shepard met his stare. "Okay."**

**Rollins let his eyes slide closed in relief, thinking she would have his back. He never saw her draw her pistol.**

"I pistol-whipped Rollins, Ma'am." _There is a special place in hell with my name on it._

"Because?"

"Because he was putting his own emotions above the mission. We never would have been able to fend off that many batarians. There was no point is trying to save the slaves – they all had neural implants. The batarians would have killed them all remotely if we freed them."

Her CO stopped directly in front of Shepard. "And what happened next?"

**"Holy shit, Shepard!" Evans yelled as he stared at Rollins' motionless body on the ground. "_What the fuck_-"**

**"Rollins was going to get all of us killed," Shepard said quietly as she put back on her helmet. She carefully put Rollins' back on as well. "We need to get moving." They could hear the sound of heavy boots approaching behind them.**

**"Shit, I've got Rollins," Evans said nudging Shepard to the side from where she was about to lift their unconscious squad mate.**

**"Azarov, take point. I'll slow them down." Shepard helped Evans to his feet with Rollins over his shoulder.**

**"Don't do anything stupid, Shepard," Evans growled. "I don't want to have to drag you out of here, too."**

**"Wouldn't dream of it," she said as she took position near the door. She armed a grenade and tossed it down the corridor just as the batarians came into view.**

"Evans carried Rollins. Azarov and I provided cover fire, were able to grab the intel, and finish the mission as directed."

Her CO stared at Shepard for a long moment. "Why did you, Evans, and Azarov try to cover it up?"

_Because I feel incredibly shitting about all of this. _"Because Rollins is a good soldier who made a bad call. Because he's our brother and we couldn't just let him . . . let him _fuck things up_ so badly, Ma'am."

There was a very long silence. "Shepard," her CO finally said, "it takes guts to go against your squad leader's orders and brains to know when it's necessary. You're one of the few soldiers I've seen that has both. An N7 needs both. This program is meant to weed out those that don't. Rollins doesn't have what it takes to continue with this program and the three of you know it. The majority of soldiers don't make it through the whole program and there's no shame in that. There is shame, however, in lying to your CO."

Shepard hung her head for a moment. "Yes, Ma'am."

"I'm incredibly disappointed in the three of you, but mostly you, Chief. Of all the soldiers I've trained over the years, none have shown as much potential as you. That said, I won't hesitate to kick your ass out of this program if you ever lie to me again. Now get the hell out of my office and send in Azarov. You'll have your punishment within the hour."

"Yes, Ma'am." Shepard snapped a crisp salute and left. She strode quickly down the polished corridor and down a flight of stairs until she found herself in front of the infirmary. She took a breath to calm her racing heart before the door slid open.

"Shepard! Shit, you look awful," Azarov said when he saw her. His right arm was in a sling, but he otherwise looked well.

**"Evans, go! We'll cover you," Shepard shouted above the firefight. Azarov pivoted from cover and drew the enemy's fire. Shepard joined in as Evans and their still unconscious squad leader headed for the extraction point.**

**"We're clear, Shepard. You and Azarov need to haul ass!" Shepard heard over her comm. She and Azarov shared a nod before both of them armed a grenade and retreated. The resulting explosion provided enough cover to get out the line of fire.**

**Azarov and Shepard sprinted across the dimly lit hangar back to the door they had disabled to get into the base. "It's about time," Evans roared as his comrades jumped into the shuttle. "We're good, get us out of here," he yelled to the shuttle pilot.**

**No one said anything for several minutes as they all caught their breaths. "What are we going to do now?" Azarov asked looking at where Rollins was strapped in.**

**Shepard looked to Evans, "Has he come to yet?"**

**He shook his head. "I gave him a medi-gel though."**

**She undid her harness and crouched in front of Rollins. He came to after administering a stim.**

Shepard shook her head. "She knows."

"Fuck." Evans was sitting up on a cot next to Azarov. He still looked a little pale from blood loss. The wound on his thigh was bandaged neatly. "What now?"

"Just come clean. Azarov, she wants to see you now." She clapped him on the shoulder as he passed, walking toward the cot behind Evans'.

Rollins was awake and staring at the ceiling. The right side of his jaw was covered in a painful looking bruise. "Can we talk?" she asked quietly.

**"Shepard? What the hell happened?" Rollins pale face looked pinched beneath his helmet.**

**"I was going to ask you that," Shepard said over the howling wind as the shuttle continued to ascend. "We finished the mission and barely made it out of the base in one piece."**

**"Speak for yourself," Evans muttered as he field dressed a gunshot to his right leg.**

**Shepard took a breath to steady her nerves. "What happened in there?" she asked Rollins. "We were outnumbered at least twenty to one."**

**Rollins stared at her for a moment before he realized what she referring to. "The slaves – _we didn't save them?_"**

**"No, we would have gotten them all killed if we'd tried to free them."**

**"But what happened to me?"**

**Shepard looked away. "I . . . pistol-whipped you."**

**Rollins stared at her in shock. "_Why the fuck-_"**

**"They knew we were there. We never would have been able to hold them off and rescue any of the slaves." Shepard looked him in the eye. "We didn't have any more time to argue. I did what I had to, to ensure the success of the mission."**

**Azarov spoke up from the seat next to Rollins, "What happened, man? You've always been frosty on a mission."**

**Rollins shook his head and clenched his jaw. "We just left them to die."**

**"There was nothing we could do," Evans said evenly, his anger giving way to concern.**

**"Rollins, you've been calm and calculating on every other mission we've had together. If we would have stayed, we'd all be dead now and none of the slaves would have been any freer," Shepard said.**

**Rollins unclipped his helmet and rubbed his face. "_Shit._ Damn it, you're right."**

**"So going back to my earlier question, what are we going to do now?" Azarov asked.**

**Evans looked between Rollins and Shepard. "Rollins, are you going to be okay?"**

**"Shit, yeah I think so. I really fucked up." He looked at Shepard. "It's killing me that we didn't even try to save them."**

**"We can't let the mission become personal," she said as she moved back to her seat.**

**Rollins tilted his head back and let out a long breath. "Yeah, not that there will be anymore missions for me."**

**Shepard and Evans shared a look. "We could say we were ambushed," Shepard offered. Azarov nodded slowly. Rollins stared at his helmet in his hands for a moment before nodding.**

Rollins didn't say anything for a while. "What for? I fucked up. End of story."

Shepard sat on the edge of Evans' cot. "I'm sorry."

Rollins sat up and stared at her. His eyes were hard and bloodshot. "You should have just left me at the base. At least then I'd have gone down fighting," he said quietly before his anger flared. "How could we just-? We're supposed to protect people, not let them die at the hands at those bastards!"

Shepard sighed and let some of the tension ease from her shoulders. "That intel will allow us to save more people in the long run. We have the locations of all of their bases in the system now." Shepard ran her hands through her hair in frustration. "You can't help anyone if you're dead, Rollins. We can't save everyone."

"So we shouldn't even try." He looked on the verge of physically attacking her.

"We are trying. We wouldn't have been there at all if we weren't."

Rollins stood. "Fuck it all. You know what? Just stop, I don't fucking care. If that's the kind of shit I'd have to do to stay in this program then I'm glad I'm done. I need some air." Shepard and Evans watched him stalk out of the room in silence.

"He'll come around," Evans said quietly.

Shepard just shook her head as she stood. "Not before he leaves. He lost his whole family to a slaver raid. They're presumed captured and enslaved."

"So did you."

"I got to bury my family. He still has hope that he can find his someday." She ran a hand through her hair again. "Thanks for having my back, you and Azarov."

Evans snorted loudly. "I never thought I'd be taking orders from an FNG, but I guess there's a reason they invited you right out of boot camp." He flexed his injured leg and grimaced. "You are one crazy bitch, but you're one hell of a soldier. Get some rest, Shep. I'm sure we'll be scrubbing the barracks with toothbrushes for the next week."

"If we're lucky." Shepard smiled sadly at him and headed for the door. _"It takes guts to go against your squad leader's orders and brains to know when it's necessary." And the mental fortitude to deal with the blow-back after the mission._

* * *

A/N: I seriously hate that we can't indent paragraphs. Hopefully this wasn't too hard to follow. Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5: Shore leave on Elysium

Bass and sweat . . . alcohol and something sweet. Shepard felt a wave of pleasure crash down on her.

This would definitely qualify as one of her better shore leaves. _Fucking hell . . . That's fantastic. _The pretty brunette she'd met at the bar had succeeded in pinning Shepard to a wall with her lips and a carefully placed thigh. _How fucking long has it been since I've been laid?_ She groaned as her companion pressed her body more firmly against Shepard's. _Way too fucking long. I'm going to get off just making out with her if we keep this up._

The fast tempo music continued to throb hypnotically around them in the dimly lit nightclub. Threading her fingers through the woman's hair, she came up for air. "Wow, that was . . . wow."

"Are all soldiers this eloquent or is it just you?" the brunette asked teasingly.

Shepard laughed and leaned her head on the wall behind her. "Just me I think. You are _ridiculously_ exquisite."

"Now _there's_ the soldier who was trying to chat her way into my pants earlier."

"What can I say? It's hard to think straight around such divine beauty."

The brunette rolled her eyes and laughed. "Where do you get this stuff?"

"There's a course for it during basic. I'm not going to lie though, I did pretty terribly."

"Oh, I don't know. You seem to be doing alright for yourself," she said before nibbling on Shepard's neck. _Yes, I am . . . oh, that's wonderful. _

The music cut out abruptly – the resulting silence being exponentially louder than the music. Shepard and the brunette turned toward the bar where a surly-looking Alliance officer was addressing the club. "I need everyone to evacuate to the inner ring of the city. This is not a drill. We have hostile ships thirty-five minutes out. Stay calm and head to the Alliance base at the center of the city."

Immediately, people began shouting questions at the officer – the noise was nearly deafening. Shepard gently nudged her friend to the side and climbed on top of the bar and whistled loudly. Angry muttering replaced the roar of the crowd. "You all heard the man! Get off your asses and get moving! Batarians only take prisoners if they're looking for new slaves. You can get your questions answered when you get to safety! Now move!" Shepard dropped down to the floor next to the officer as people began moving toward the door. "What's the plan? What can I do, sir?"

"You can get to the inner ring with the rest of them," he said impatiently. Shepard's brunette approached them with wide eyes.

She could feel her heart beating in her ears as she acclimated to the lack of throbbing music. "I'm Alliance, I can help. If slavers are attacking here, they're going to have an army. You need all the help you can get!" Shepard was suddenly regretting wearing civies.

"An FNG isn't my idea of backup," he said as he made his way to the door.

"For _fuck's_ sake! I'm special forces, asshole." She pulled out her dog tags and watched the officer's expression change from thoroughly annoyed to mildly surprised.

"Well, shit. Are you intoxicated, soldier?" he asked as he herded people to the exit.

"No, sir. Just one drink."

"Are you armed?"

"Just a combat knife."

"Here." He thrust his sidearm at Shepard. She checked the ammunition block, nearly full. "Once the civilians are evacuated, we need to head to the outer wall and regroup with the rest of the security forces."

"Yes, sir." Shepard turned to her friend and took her face in her hands. "I need you to follow the crowd and get to safety."

The woman hesitated before nodding. "You're not just any old awkward soldier, are you?"

"Old, no – awkward, I'll give you that one. I'm also incredibly good at my job." Shepard kissed her soundly and gently pushed her ahead of herself and the officer. "Where to, sir?" she asked once they were out in the cool night air. The all too familiar sound of the warning sirens still managed to send a chill down her spine.

"Follow me and don't make me regret giving you my pistol." They jogged against the flow of civilians toward a high wall in the distance marking the outer city limits of Elysium. On top of the wall were twin anti-aircraft turrets. "As long as those guns stay functional, the slavers won't be able to drop any of their men directly into the city," he said as they waited for civilians to clear a narrow alley.

"And if they don't stay functional?"

"There are a dozen of them in total. If at least a third of them stay up we'll be in good shaped. If not, we don't want to go down that road. We have a small garrison at the inner wall, but most of the troops are at the outer wall. Shit, I never bothered to find out who you are."

"Operations Chief Shepard."

"Staff Lieutenant Colbert. Chief, you ever been up against a batarian raid?"

"Yes, sir."

"Aren't you just full of surprises? Then I don't need to tell you not to show these bastards a micron of mercy."

"No, sir."

"Good." They cut through the crowd of soldiers at the base of the wall. Once through, Colbert inquired about spare armor for Shepard – an old bulletproof vest and a helmet were tossed to her. The troops were divided and Shepard found herself in front of the main entrance to the city with Colbert and two dozen others. "If those guns go down, Elysium will fall, people," Colbert yelled to the troops around him. "Watch for heavy weapons and vehicles." He paused and listened to his ear piece. "We have first contact at the western wall. Stay sharp."

Shepard breathed slowly and deeply and waited. The men and women behind the barricades around her were twitchy and she could practically feel the anxiety radiating off of them. Most of them had likely never seen battle before. Most had probably spent their military careers patrolling the outskirts of the colony, only ever drawing their weapons, never firing. _We go to war with the army we have, not the army we want._

"Incoming!" Cole yelled. Shepard watched with wide eyes as a missile appeared out of the darkness and impacted the outer wall twenty meters to the right of the entrance. The ground shook and debris rained down around them. "This is it, people!"

Armed with a sniper rifle and a pistol, Shepard began picking off the line of shadowy batarians as those around her fired assault rifles. She could make out at least dozen carrying heavy weapons and three civilian Grizzly tanks coming out of the darkness. _Those anti-aircraft turrets won't stand a chance. _She fell back next to Colbert. "Sir, they'll be in range of the cannons soon. We need to slow them down." Another missile went wide of its target and slammed into the wall.

"I'm aware of that, Chief. We're still waiting on heavy weapons from the inner ring. Why, do you have a better plan?" He sighted down his rifle and took out a batarian carrying a rocket launcher.

Shepard fired and another fell. "Do we have any grenades?"

"You betcha." He pointed to a box behind him. Three more shells hit the outer wall.

Shepard pinned a few to her belt. "We need to drop the rest of the foot soldiers. I can slow down those Grizzlies until backup arrives." She aimed and fired, crippling another before Colbert finished him.

"Is there a plan to go with those grenades?"

"I need to get up next to those tanks without getting shot."

"I'm not sure if you're asking for a miracle or assistance with your suicide." A shell exploded just short of their position, spraying dust and bits of concrete on everyone.

"Do you have a better plan, sir?"

"No, I do not, but it's your funeral, Chief." He gave the order to take out the rest of the heavies on foot as Shepard moved in a wide arch toward the approaching vehicles.

_Stay low. They won't waste heavy ammunition on one soldier. _She vaulted over a barricade and sprinted in a wide arch toward the batarians, moving with more grace than she could have ever hoped to have on the dance floor. _I hope she made it to the inner wall okay. . . . Damn it, I didn't even get her name._

The side hatch of the nearest Grizzly opened as Shepard crept even with it and two batarians began to fire in her direction. _God damned, predictable idiots._ She lobbed a grenade at the opening – it fell short of the door, but it distracted them long enough for her to pick them off before moving closer. _And now for something incredibly stupid . . ._ With a burst of speed, Shepard hoisted herself into the open side hatch . . . and right into another batarian. Both crashed to the floor of the vehicle in a heap. _Damn it!_

The slaver tried to draw his sidearm as he crawled away from her, but Shepard was on top of him before he could get the shot. She forced his pistol up and toward the cockpit as he began firing wildly. In the midst of joining the fight, the unarmored navigator took several shots to the chest and fell back into the driver. _Just drop the damn pistol already! _Slamming the batarian's hand against the edge of the side hatch door frame, she cut his yelp of pain short by slashing his throat with her combat knife before shooting the stunned driver, still holding his dying navigator. Blood pounded deafeningly in her ears as silence fell over the vehicle.

"Chief, backup is here. Get your ass out of there," Colbert said over her comm. _Breathe, take it down a notch._ She pushed herself off the dead batarian to her feet_._ _Stay in control. _She glanced out the cockpit window and watched as Colbert's first shot hit the Grizzly furthest from her. It was engulfed in flames momentarily before it continued moving forward. The two remaining tanks lowered their aim from the turrets to the security forces in front of the gate. "Get down!" Colbert yelled over the comm.

Shepard watched in horror as the gate was blown apart and the security forces were shrouded in a dense cloud of fiery dust. "Colbert, anyone still there?!" She shouted over the comm. Silence. "Shit." She hurried back and climbed up into the gunny's seat.

From there, she watched an anti-aircraft turret explode into a heap of twisted metal. _One down, eleven left, shit. Let's see what I can do with this thing. _She aimed for the nearest of the two Grizzlies – it went up in flames before it could swivel its cannon in her direction. The same couldn't be said for the other though. _Shit! _

Even with a shield generator, the enemy's fire tore through her tank with ease. Shepard was about to vault from the side hatch when the first missile hit. The whole tank slide sideways violently, knocking her back into the vehicle. The second hit caused it to flip. When the vehicle came to a stop, Shepard found herself sprawled on the roof. _Shit, get up!_ She pushed herself slowly to her hands and knees. _Smoke . . . I need to get out of here. _ The side hatch had been torn from its hinges, she stumbled out of the exit and broke out into a sprint toward the city.

The searing heat and force of the explosion sent her face first into the pavement. _Get up, you idiot__! Gotta stop that goddamn tank. _The last Grizzly succeeded in destroying the remaining turret and was about to enter the city. "Main entrance . . . is breached . . . need . . . backup!" Shepard panted into her comm as she neared the tank. More silence. _God damn it! _

Taking running leap, she caught hold of the back of the tank and hoisted herself up as it reached the gate. Where the security forces had been was now a blackened crater littered with twisted metal and chucks of concrete. _Shit, they never had a chance._ Shepard crawled quickly toward the front of the tank, stopping behind the top-mounted gun. Unclipping the rest of her grenades, she armed them and tossed them just in front to the VT7's path.

"_Shit!_" The front end of the tank blasted upward, hurtling Shepard backward onto the cracked concrete. "Damn it!" _I need to stop getting thrown around. I think I cracked a rib._ Still on her back, Shepard drew her pistol as the side hatch opened and three batarians jumped out to inspect the damage to their Grizzly. Before she could fire a shot, someone else cut them down.

"Colbert?!" she yelled in surprise. She rolled slowly into a crouch and dispatched two more fleeing the side hatch. "Are we clear?"

"Looks like it," a voice called back. Shepard squeezed between the tank and the gate. "Colbert's dead," a middle-aged NCO said regretfully. "We're all that's left."

There were three of them, all looking worse for wear and miserable. "Shit," Shepard said as she leaned back against the twisted frame of the gate. "Are your comms working?"

"Nope, the bastards must be jamming them."

"So we have no idea if they've breach any other part of the city?"

"No, we don't."

Shepard bit back a groan of pain as she pushed off from the frame and disconnected the scope from her rifle. She scanned the area where the Grizzlies had come from, but saw nothing beyond the darkness. "They've pretty much breached this part of the wall, but no one else is coming," Shepard said with a frown. "They must have broken through somewhere else first and are using that to get their troops in."

"The last comm chatter we heard was about the western side getting hit pretty hard."

"That's a good place to start." She reconnected her scope. "No point in waiting here for them to find us."

"You don't want anyone to stay here?"

"If they've breached the city, then we need to fall back and support the garrison protecting the civilians." Shepard studied the soldiers in front of her. "Anyone with combat experience prior to today?"

"I had a shoot-out with a red sand dealer about three years ago," the middle aged man said, "but these two have been under my command for a year and a half. They're good soldiers, but we've never had to do more than draw our weapons."

Shepard nodded. "Okay, I can take point, these two the flanks and, shit, I'm sorry I never got your names."

"Gallus and Arellano," he said pointing to the two younger men, "and I'm Penn. Shepard, right?"

"Yeah, you have our six. Let's head out, keep the formation tight." The air was cool and tainted by the thick smell of smoke. The wailing of the emergency siren gave Shepard some solace – the fight wasn't lost yet.

They moved as quickly as Shepard could manage without aggravating her already bruised and battered body. _Just keep going. You've survived worse._ She could hear the sounds of gunfire nearby and picked up the pace. _That's closer than I was hoping . . ._

"Hostiles!" Shepard, Arellano, and Penn turned as Gallus began firing. They took cover on either side of the narrow alley where three batarians were pinned down. Shepard's three companions made quick work of the enemy.

"I didn't think they'd be this far into the city already," Penn said angrily.

_That can't be right. Ed said they were coming from the southwest._ "Shepard, you alright?"

Shepard opened her eyes and let out a painful breath. "Yeah, just dandy." She removed her helmet and listened. Their immediate area was quiet, but a few blocks over she could hear the hum of another Grizzly. _We could do a lot of damage with that. _"Okay, here's what we can do. There's another Grizzly a few blocks over. We can continue to the base or we can try to take over one of their vehicles and seriously fuck them up."

"And just how are we going to take over one of their tanks?" Penn asked skeptically.

"I'm going to need you three laying down some cover fire. I'll worry about getting in and securing it."

Penn looked at his men. "Go out in a blaze of glory or go for the base, boys?"

"Let's fuck them up, sir!" Arellano growled. Gallus nodded with a fiery look in his eyes.

"Well, there you have it. It seems we'll be fucking them up, Shepard."

"Excellent." She activated her omni-tool and brought up the program she'd need to hack the Grizzly's side hatch lock. "Let's not keep them waiting."

They moved with a new sense of purpose as they navigated the dark streets of Elysium. No longer were they retreating to aid their city – they were looking to hand a crippling blow to the enemy. Shepard felt a burst of adrenaline numb wounds. _This will not be another Mindoir._

As they came to the end of another street, the hum of the Grizzly became a low growl. Shepard pushed forward, staying in the shadows, and watched as their prey rolled into view. She gave her silent orders and waited for her men to take position.

Penn gave the final signal and all of them ambushed the batarians following the tank. It was a blood bath and the Grizzly, too close to the action, was unable to assist. "All clear," Penn panted.

Shepard sprinted forward and grabbed hold of the rung next to the side hatch of the tank. _Alright, let's see if this actually works. _The program had the door unlocked in under fifteen seconds. _Fantastic._ Pistol in her free hand, she hit the release on the door and the hatch opened with a hiss of air.

"Close the damn door!" a batarian yelled from the front of the vehicle. Shepard swung silently into the tank and knocked the batarian trying to close the door back into his seat. She pulled her knife and silenced him before he could alert the others.

"Khan? What the fuck are you doing back there? Close the door already!" Shepard closed it and crept toward the rear of the vehicle. An engineer was monitoring the engine's various read-outs. The constant growl from the vehicle covered the sound of her approach as she lodged her knife to the hilt into the man's neck.

_Three more._ Shepard hurried back toward the cockpit. Driver and navigator were watching their progress. "Fucking humans. We just lost our detail. Haliat is going to be pissed."

"Not if we take out the rest of those damn guns."

"Fat lot of good that will do if the Alliance shows up."

"Fuck them. We have plenty of-" Shepard cut him short with her knife before shooting his startled comrade pointblank. The tank stopped with a jolt.

"Hey, what's going on down there?! Why are we stopping?" _Last one._ She waited patiently for the last batarian to climb down from his post at the top-mounted cannon. "What are you idiots do-" Shepard rounded the corner plunged her knife into the man's chest. He stared at her in surprise as he began coughing up blood.

_What the hell?_ "You're human," Shepard said as she watched the man die. She removed her knife and cleaned it on the man's trousers. "These aren't just slavers then." She opened the door and heaved the man's body out of the vehicle. "Penn! Get your men in here!"

"Jesus, Shepard!" Penn said as he stared at the growing pile of corpses under the side hatch.

"There's one more in the back," she said as she pushed the driver out the door. "Do any of you have any experience with this thing?"

"Yeah," Penn said, watching in disgust as the body hit the ground, "We used these until we got the Makos last year."

"Great, take the wheel." Shepard stepped back as the men climbed aboard. She pointed Gallus to the last body. "If they're coming from the west then we should get up behind them and take them out."

"If we're lucky, we can catch them by surprise," Penn said as he stared at the blood splattered all over the cockpit. "I see things got a bit messy."

"Occupational hazard."

"What exactly did they teach you in that N program?"

"How to get results."

Penn nodded reluctantly and sat in the driver's seat. "Let's get going then. Arellano, take the cannon. Gallus, you good back there?"

"Yes, sir," he said as he closed the side hatch.

"Shepard, take navigator," Penn said quietly, "and clean that blood off of you before you catch some batarian venereal disease."

She laughed dryly and grabbed the first aid kit off the wall. "I'm not much use as a navigator, Penn. I'm here on shore leave."

"I know, but you've had decent instincts so far." He coaxed the Grizzly into motion. "That and I want to keep an eye on you."

Shepard paused as she cleaned her hands with an alcohol-based liquid. "You think I've gone off the deep end?"

"No, and I'd like to keep it that way."

"I can assure you, I took no more joy in killing those men than you did not five minutes ago." Penn had no response. "I'm special forces, sir. This is what I do. Only this time, I have to do it without a hard suit or modded weapons."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Alright then," he said with a hint of relief. "I'm taking us to West Center Street. It's the most likely route the batarians are using."

"These aren't just batarians, sir," Shepard said as she took off her helmet and used the liquid to clean the blood off her face. "There was a human with the batarians in here. I'm thinking maybe pirates."

"I don't know if that's supposed to make me feel better or worse about our situation."

"Just don't be surprised if a human starts shooting at you." It took a while before Penn could find a side street large enough to fit the Grizzly. They rode in silence and listened to the chatter on the pirates' comm. Things weren't going well for Elysium, half of the anti-aircraft turrets were down. _Shit. Just keep going. The fight isn't over yet._

They drove alongside pirates on foot without arousing suspicion. "Almost there," Penn yelled out. "Wait for my signal to fire."

"Hold up a moment," Shepard said as she left her seat. When she returned she was wearing armor similar to what the pirates were wearing.

"Well, look at you. I think I know where this is going."

"I'll head out and coordinate things from the ground and get you into position."

"Shepard," Penn called as she turned to leave, "be careful out there."

"I always am, sir." She gave him a salute before opening the hatch and disappearing from view.

_This armor smells like something died in it. . . . Well, technically someone did die in it, but that's no excuse. _Shepard looked back at the tank and signaled it to continue forward. She nodded at another pirate as she guided the vehicle. _Stay calm and cool. _

They had reached West Center, and as Penn had predicted, it was being used as the main thoroughfare through the city. She signaled for Penn to wait. At least six more Grizzlies and several dozen pirates on foot slowly filed past them. _Let the bulk of them move past. _She waited for a break in the movement to signal Penn forward. She moved into the street and stopped the few pirates left as the tank made the wide turn.

It was almost comical how long it took. _Thank god for Makos. _ The waiting pirates weren't impressed either . . . nor was the Grizzly bringing up the rear. _Shit, let's go check in._

"Shepard? That had better be you," Penn called back once Shepard was aboard.

"Yeah, keep your shirt on. What's it look like out there?"

"We've got half a dozen more tanks and it looks like they made it to the base."

Shepard looked out ahead and sure enough, pillars of smoke were rising from the walls to the east. "We'd better make this count then. Wait for me to take out the tank behind you. After that, go crazy. I'll try to cover you the best I can on foot."

Penn nodded slowly. "Going out in a blaze of glory."

"Damn right." Shepard dropped out of the Grizzly for the last time and stepped off the main road. She watched the soldiers on foot pass her by and moved out in front of the last tank, waving her arms for him to stop and let her aboard.

"What's the holdup?" a pirate asked, hanging out of the open side hatch.

Shepard jogged over and hoisted herself up into the vehicle. She didn't give him time to repeat the question before she buried her knife into his gut. She pulled him out of the open door and walked calmly to the back of the tank.

* * *

Penn and his men had annihilated three enemy tanks before they began to take serious fire. Shepard moved quickly among the foot soldiers like a ghost, quietly and efficiently dispatching them from behind. It wasn't until she had killed the last of those behind Penn that she drew her rifle.

Another Grizzly in flames, Penn's tank was showing the first signs of trouble. Shepard fired with more precision and speed than she ever had before, but it didn't stop the bellows of smoke from growing. The side hatch opened and Gallus dropped into the street. He tried to help clear out the foot soldiers nearest the Grizzly, but was almost immediately overwhelmed.

A sharp, angry buzzing assaulted her senses as she watched Gallus fall to his knees in a hail of gunfire. Running forward, she drew her pistol; most of the pirates gave her no notice as she slipped into their ranks. She fired into the crowd until her pistol overheated.

She was chaos incarnated as time seemed to slow around her. Shouts of confusion and anger filled the air. Death came swiftly and unexpectedly as Shepard drew her blooded knife and moved through the remaining soldiers. But even in the midst of a rage fueled fury, Shepard knew she was on borrowed time.

"Ahh!" Shepard yelled as she took half a dozen rounds to the back. Without a shield generator, she felt the impact of every shot. "Fuck!" she half-sobbed as she fell to her hands and knees. She watched helplessly as a pair of boots came into focus and a hot barrel burned the back of her neck. _No! _She felt her helmet wrenched off her head . . .

_**BOOM!**_

_**. . .**_

Smoke, the sound of fire crackling, and pain – so much of it, too much. Shepard blinked and immediately shut her eyes tightly. _What happened? I'm not dead yet . . ._ She opened her eyes and gasped in a painful breath. Lunges burning, she pushed herself to her hands and knees. _Where's . . . where's Penn? _Shepard tried to push herself into a crouch, but cried out in agony. _My leg – shit, that's a lot of blood._

_Deep breaths. Analyze your surroundings. _Blood and bodies, debris and fire. Shepard looked for Penn's Grizzly, but only saw a twisted metal carcass. _Shit, sorry, Penn_. _I wasn't fast enough._ Carefully, she pushed herself to her feet. The street ahead of her was a mess of carnage, but in the distance, she could see the battle still raging. _Just keep going. The fight isn't over yet._

It was slow and painful, but Shepard limped forward. _Take it . . . and run, Sweetie. _She found her knife and pistol and put back on her helmet. Ages passed before she was finally in range of the enemy again.

Her weapons stayed holstered as she continued past them, making sure to stay out of the base garrison's line of fire. She limped on toward a tank parked below a ruined anti-aircraft turret. A cry of pain nearly clawed its way through her throat as she hoisted herself up and disengaged the lock on the door.

"Why won't they just die already?" a voice said from the cockpit. Shepard nodded to the pirate sitting next to the door.

"They're a disease. The worst kind," the gunny said from his perch. "Fuck Hialat. Let's go kill some humans!" Shepard moved slowly to the back of the vehicle. The engineer was sitting with his feet up on the read-out terminal. He turned lazily toward Shepard as she approached.

"You going to say that to his face?" the first voice yelled back. Shepard pointed to the terminal and the batarian turned away from her. "Didn't think so." She snapped his neck. "We have orders and I'm not keen on doing anything stupid." Shepard limped back to the front of the vehicle.

"But this _is _stupid! I didn't sign on for sitting around when I could be killing this filth!" The pirate by the door snorted in amusement and turned toward the cockpit as if to speak. Shepard silenced him with her knife, leaning over him to prevent his body from thrashing wildly as he bled out.

"I'm not going to stop you if you want to leave. I heard those bastards are putting up more of a fight than Hialat anticipated."

Shepard gently hit the gunny's shin and signaled him to come down. "Shit, now what?" he muttered. She waited until he climbed down to dispatch him.

"Raket, you leaving or what?" Shepard lower the dead man to the ground silently. She could feel a cold sweat begin to drench her face and neck. _Just keep going. _Her injured leg sent a spike of pain through her body. _Just . . . keep going._

"Raket?" Shepard drew her pistol and let it hang from her hand, too exhausted to try to hide it. "Who are you?" the driver asked, his navigator looked up from the game he was playing on his omni-tool. She leaned against the driver's seat and shot the navigator.

"What the _fuck_?!" Shepard ended him before he could leave his seat. Silence flooded the vehicle.

_I just need to sit . . . and rest for a moment. _The last of her energy gone, she stumbled forward and fell hard onto the floor. _Just need to rest . . . Don't leave me, Jay! Don't let them get me! _Shepard's eyes snapped open.

Slowly, she removed her helmet and knelt on her good leg, leaning against the wall. She undid the stolen armor, feeling lighter and cleaner. _Just keep going._

Clenching her jaw, she forced herself to her feet. Using the wall for support, Shepard left the cockpit and climbed into the gunny's seat. _Just . . . just a bit more . . . a bit further . . . and then we can rest, Elli._

Her eyes took a moment to focus and figure out what she was looking at. Though parked away from the garrison's line of fire, Shepard had an excellent angle on the pirate forces. _Almost there._

* * *

"Fifth Fleet is twenty minutes out!" Corporal Langely heard someone yell over the firefight. _Will they get here before those bastards begin their air assault? _ All but two of the anti-aircraft turrets were down and those weren't doing well.

Langely shifted his weight from one leg to the other. He and a dozen others waited impatiently for the order to open the gate and go on the offensive. _We're going to kill every last one of those motherfuckers. They're gonna regret ever even _thinking_ about taking Elysium. _A loud explosion shook the ground. "The hell was that?"

"Someone's taking out the Grizzlies!" a marine at the wall shouted down in disbelief. Another explosion. "Holy shit! There goes another one!"

The base commander jogged up to the soldier and surveyed the enemy. "This is our chance!" He stepped away from the wall as the ground shook again. "The enemy is confused and surrounded. It's time to send these bastards to kingdom come! Make me proud, marines! Open the gate!"

Langely shouted with the others and filled out of the inner ring behind a pair of Makos. Another blast obliterated the batarians dug in behind a line of skycars. _Who the fuck is doing that?_ He followed his squad leader and flanked the remaining pirates. _Fuck, yeah!_

"On me, boys. Let's go check out that Grizzly," Langely heard over his comm. They stayed out of the tank's line of fire and flushed out three more batarians on the way. "Excellent work, men."

They converged on the armored vehicle, but it hadn't moved or fired another shot. His squad leader motioned him forward as they surrounded the hatch into the vehicle. With a nod, the hatch opened and Langely climbed aboard.

"Holy shit," he whispered as he looked around. The interior was drenched with blood. Another soldier climbed aboard and nearly tripped over the corpse of a batarian. Langely jerked his head toward the rear of the vehicle and moved toward the cockpit. _Fucking hell . . ._ He moved away from the mostly headless bodies and hoisted himself up to check the gunny's seat.

With the tank's controls inactive, the small cabin was shrouded in darkness. He lit his omni-tool and nearly shouted in fright. A woman sat slouched in the chair and, even more surprising, was still alive. But what caused his fright was the intensity of her stare . . . and the pistol she held with the barrel pressed under her own chin. "Who are you?" she asked hoarsely.

Langely swallowed nervously. "Corporal Langely, ma'am."

"Elysium security?" Her voice was almost sounded hopeful.

"Yes, ma'am."

The woman closed her eyes and ejected the ammunition block from her pistol and let it fall into her lap.

"Operations Chief Shepard," she said faintly to Langely. "I think I might need a medic."

"I'll see what I can do." He backed out of the cabin stuck his head out the hatch. "Sir, there's an injured marine in need of a medic." His CO hoisted himself into the vehicle and climbed up to the gunny's seat.

"Langely, give us a hand." His squad leader backed down while supporting the woman. Langely moved to help and together they lower her onto a blood stained seat near the door. "She needs more than a field dressing, and we've already spent too much time here. Langely, I need you to escort Shepard back to the base and inform the commander there's an operational Grizzly here we can use against these bastards until Fifth Fleet arrives."

Langely stared down at the woman skeptically. "Sir?"

"We don't have a lot of options here." he said as he passed Shepard her loaded pistol back. "You get her to safety and we'll continue on. That's an order, Corporal."

"Yes, sir." _Seriously? _He helped Shepard to her feet and out of the tank. _Shit, I don't think she's even going to make it to the base. _He pulled one of her arms across his shoulders and grabbed hold of her opposite side. _There they go,_ he thought, watching his squad move on through the streets,_ and I'm stuck going back to base._

"So . . . what were you doing in that Grizzly?" he asked as he checked the area for hostiles.

Shepard was silent for a moment. "Killing pirates."

"All of those bodies – you did that?"

"Yes," she said through clenched teeth.

"Shit, what are you a commando?"

"N5 . . . special forces."

_Holy shit. What the fuck is special forces doing here? _"Are you stationed here?" he asked as they began to walk.

Shepard said nothing, but clenched her jaw as she limped forward. "Shore leave," she forced out.

_She is not going to make it to the base. _"Ma'am? You alright?"

She nodded impatiently, but Langely could already see her resolve crumbling. "Okay, then." They moved slowly, each step causing Shepard more pain than she could hide. "Not too much further, ma'am."

His companion nodded again, but stayed silent. The streets were littered with debris, making their progress slower than Langely had hoped. _Shit, I'm going to miss everything._ "On your right!" Langely jerked his head right in time to see a blood-covered batarian shuffle around a smoldering skycar.

Langely acted without thinking – he turned his body to better shield Shepard as the batarian began to fire. The sensors in his hard suit began to wail as the batarian's shots hit his back. _Shit! Shit! Shit!_ He didn't notice Shepard moving in closer to his chest and leaning around him to return fire, all he noticed was the shooting stopping.

_What the fuck?! _He checked his suit sensors. _Nothing made it through my armor. Holy shit . . ._ He looked down at Shepard. Her pistol hung loosely at her side while the rest of her body leaned into his chest. Her breathing was ragged and labored. "Shepard, you okay?"

She tried to push herself off of him, but her knees gave way. "Fuck!" she cried out in frustration.

"I've got you," Langely said as he lifted her into his arms. _Shit, she's barely keeping it together. _"Just hold on a bit longer."

Down the street, the gate was open again and more troops were flooding the streets. _Fifth Fleet must be here._ "Backup has finally arrived. About time! Shepard?" Her eyes were closed tight. "Shit, almost there." He picked up the pace and felt his lungs begin to burn. "Don't you even think about dying, ma'am," he panted.

As they neared the gate, the soldiers made room for him to pass. "I need a medic ASAP!" A senior officer made the request over his comm. Langely looked down at his charge as they waited. In the bright light of the base, he could see just how bloody and beaten she looked. _How the hell did someone so small take out some many batarians?_

The medics arrived in a ground transport vehicle. They carefully took the wounded soldier from his arms and left with her just as quickly as they had appeared. _Just don't die, Shepard._

"Soldier!"

Langely jumped and turned to the senior officer. "Yes, sir?"

"If you're not injured, join up with Bravo Company. They could use another man."

"Yes, sir." _Looks like I'll get to see some more action after all._

* * *

A/N: That concludes part one of two of Shepard's stay on Elysium. It was actually pretty hard to think of a way that Shepard could save an entire colony almost single handedly without putting her on top of a building sniping everyone. I hope you enjoyed it and thanks for reading!


	6. Chap6: Recovering is faster with friends

The mess hall of the Einstein was a large cavernous room with low lighting. With it being the off shift, Shepard was able to find a table away from the crew to sit at and push her food around her plastic tray. It had been three days since Mindoir had been attacked and Dr. Chakwas had finally let her out of the infirmary.

_Not that this is any better. _It didn't matter where she went, the same numbness followed her like an icy shadow. She couldn't bring herself to feel anything beyond the emptiness in her chest. _I'm no more alive than the rest of my family,_ she mused bitterly.

"Mind if I join you?"

Shepard looked up to find Commander Anderson holding a tray of food. The weariness and exhaustion emanating from him made her wonder if he'd just pulled a double shift. "Go ahead." Anderson sat across from her and ate his food in silence as Shepard continued to push hers around her tray.

"How are you holding up?"

Shepard continued staring at her tray. "Okay, I guess."

"Hmm. Dr. Chakwas seems to think you could use a few more meals, but that's none of my business."

She looked up at him and gave him her best _I'm not buying it_ face. "But you're about to make it your business."

Anderson's face lit up in a small smirk. "Am I that transparent?"

"Yes," she said flatly. A small part of her registered a bit of shame at being so rude, but she ignored it.

If Anderson was bothered by her aloofness, he didn't let it show. "I was thinking I could give you an incentive." He fished a thin, curved band out of his pocket. "An omni-tool for a meal."

Shepard stared at it in awe. Her dad had one from when he was with the Alliance, but no one else in her family had one - they were too expensive. "Are you serious?"

Anderson nodded. "It's just a basic model like the ones new recruits get during basic, but it's still pretty reliable. So, do we have a deal?"

Shepard sighed and began to eat. The food had as much appeal and delectability as the tray it was served on, but she cleared the tray nonetheless.

Anderson handed over the omni-tool. "It's not too different from a terminal . . . but you already know how it works?"

She nodded distractedly as she logged her dad's information in. "Dad had the same one." The network welcomed her father back. Her throat constricted as she found his files full of pictures – birthdays and holidays, hundreds of pictures worth. For the first time in three days, Shepard felt something other than numbness – agonizing grief.

At some point, Anderson had moved to the seat beside her. She was so lost in the pictures, she found herself rambling, explaining each one. "That's Mom's birthday. Elli and I made the cake. Dad took her out to dinner after. . . . That's – that's the first day of school. Mom always made us pose with Dad." She felt her throat tighten again. "He'd act really happy school was starting, but Mom would tell us all he did was mope when Elli and I weren't around." She sniffled and tried to blink back her tears. "He was such a terrible liar." She felt Anderson put his arm around her shoulders. "It just hurts so _damn_ much." She buried her face in his chest and cried.

"It's going to hurt for a long time," Anderson said in a soft voice, "but you'll always have your memories of them. It might not seem like it now, but everyday it'll hurt just a little less until you can think back to them and smile."

"Time heals all wounds?" Shepard asked the smallest hint of humor beneath her tears.

"Something like that."

Eventually, after she no more tears to cry, Shepard pulled away and sighed tiredly. "Thanks for the omni-tool."

He nodded and smiled. "It was the-"

"Shepard?" Shepard turned to see Chakwas calling her from the infirmary. "Shepard, are you awake?" _What does she mean, am I awake? Of course I'm awake. _"Come on, Shepard, you're almost there." _Wait a sec-_

Shepard sucked in a deep breath and opened her eyes. Standing over her was an eight years older version of Dr. Chakwas. "Good afternoon, dear. How are you feeling?"

"Dr Chakwas!" she laughed in shock, "I was just dreaming about you."

"Oh? Nothing unseemly I hope," she said with a chuckle.

"_Well_ . . ." Chakwas swatted her arm with her data pad. "Okay, okay! _Shit_, I feel like I was hit by a Mako."

"That would only explain about half of your injuries, I'm afraid." She tapped her data pad and shook her head. "Nothing I couldn't fix of course. I do enjoy a challenge every now and then."

"Glad I could help." Shepard cringed as she tried to flex her injured leg. "So what happened, are we still on Elysium?"

"Yes, we're still on Elysium. I arrived with Fifth Fleet and _can you imagine_ my surprise when they wheeled in my first patient? There you were unconscious and covered in blood. I had to pinch myself . . . But that's not what you're interested in hearing. With the help of Fifth Fleet, the raiders were chased out of the city. Only a handful of their ships made it off world and the rest were disposed of properly."

"Civilians casualties?"

"Only those that joined the fight instead of evacuating. Unfortunately, nearly half of the city's security forces also lost their lives." Chakwas looked sympathetically at Shepard. "This was not another Mindoir."

Shepard rubbed her face roughly. "But it looked like it could have been, for a while at least."

Chakwas looked down at her data pad again before giving her an analyzing stare. "Shepard, since the fighting ended, there have been some interesting rumors floating about. They're saying someone hijacked an enemy tank and obliterated the resistance at the base of the inner ring."

"That is an interesting rumor." Shepard closed her eyes for a moment. "How long have I been out?"

"Nearly twelve hours." She wasn't about to give up so easily. "And even stranger yet is security footage on one of the main roads through the city. An enemy tank, just out of the blue, starts firing on its comrades. But that wasn't even the most startling thing on the footage. A lone soldier, dressed as a raider, walked amongst her supposed allies and began shooting," Chakwas voice softened, "until she was finally wounded."

_Shit. _"So there's a vid out there of me on my hands and knees about to have my head blown off?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Fantastic." Shepard sighed warily. "Did they recover the bodies from the tank, there should have been three?"

"I don't know."

"Gallus, Arellano, and Penn." Shepard paused and bit the inside of her cheek. "I hijacked the tank and they used it to do as much damage as they could. I stayed on foot and provided what little cover I could." She closed her eyes. "Which wasn't nearly enough. _Shit_, it was my idea. We were on our way to the base – retreat or go out in a _blaze of glory_. . . We knew we'd all die trying, but we did it anyway." She stared at the wall across from her bed. "I wasn't supposed to survive – but I did – so I just kept walking, waiting to die. . . I found another tank and figured I should try to take a few more of them out with me."

Chakwas stayed silent for a moment before sitting on the edge of Shepard's bed and patting her hand gently. "Shepard, they're saying what you and your comrades did is the only reason Elysium was able to hold out until Fifth Fleet arrived."

"Okay."

"Regardless of what was supposed to happen, your actions saved an entire city." Chakwas looked away for a moment. "I know it's not easy losing people under your charge – goodness knows many soldiers have succumb to their injuries under my care – but we do everything in our power to save as many as we can." She gave Shepard's hand a squeeze and stood. "Sometimes that all anyone can hope for."

Shepard brushed the unshed tears from her eyes. "Geez, Doc, you're going to make me cry," she said with a watery laugh.

"If I didn't already know you, I'd say that's hard to believe," Chakwas said with a smile. "While we're on the subject of your heroics, I should tell you Admiral Steven Hackett would like to debrief you when you feel up to it."

_Hackett . . . Hackett. I should know this-_ "The admiral commanding Fifth Fleet?"

"One in the same."

_Well, that's not at all intimidating._ "I suppose I should just get this over with."

"I can stall him for a few more hours, if you'd like – the admiral knows better than to try to come between me and my patients."

_I think I'd pay to see him try. _"What else am I going to do? Lay here and go over last night in my head until it drives me mad?"

Chakwas shook her head. "The idea is to rest, Chief."

"We both know there will be none of that for the wicked, Doc."

"Alright, have it your way." The doctor retrieved a pair of sweats and dropped them in her lap. "Let's get going then."

* * *

Admiral Steven Hackett, in Shepard's opinion, was a big picture man. He was the type of man who could send platoons of men to their deaths for the sake of a mission and be able to live with the consequences. He was the type of soldier that, up until last night, she had little respect for. But now, after having a small taste of that sort of responsibility, she found her opinion shifting.

"I've looked through the security footage at least a dozen times now, and I have to say, it's incredible," Hackett said in a clipped, gravelly voice. "It's been a long time since I've seen a Trojan horse pulled off so well."

"Thank you, sir." Shepard was still infinitely annoyed that Chakwas had confined to her bed. _At least she gave me something to wear other than that paper-thin hospital gown._

"What the four of you accomplished is nothing short of remarkable, Chief." He leaned back in his chair and appraised her shrewdly. "I've looked into your file and it's quite impressive. Surviving a batarian attack on Mindoir, excelling in the N7 program, infiltrating numerous slaver bases in the Traverse, and now preventing the fall of an entire colony – and yet I feel like we've just scratched the surface of your potential."

_Um . . ._ "I'm not sure I follow, sir."

"Well first of all, I'd like to offer you your commission – that's long overdue – and I'd also like to present you with the Star of Terra."

. . . _Wha- . . . Oh. _"That's quite the offer, sir."

"It is," Hackett said seriously. "Once I hand you the Star of Terra, you won't just be a soldier anymore – you'll become a symbol of courage and exceptionalism. You will be an example of the best humanity has to offer to the rest of the galaxy – an example you will be expected to continually live up to."

_I'm not sure I want to repeat this last performance. _"What exactly would that entail, sir?"

"You'll be expected to at least attempt to finish the N7 program, though if you aren't able to, it won't reflect poorly on you. You'll also be given higher profile missions and more opportunities to lead. And perhaps most importantly, you'll be expected maintain a certain level of professionalism both on- and off-duty."

_So don't embarrass humanity or the Alliance._ "That sounds like the direction I was hoping my career would take anyway, sir, and my . . . complete lack of a life outside of the Alliance should make the professionalism pretty easy to maintain."

Hackett barked out a laugh, "Shepard, I don't care what you do on your own time as long it doesn't make its way into the media. And if something does come up, at least do the Alliance a favor and tip us off first." He slipped back into seriousness. "I don't need an answer right now, but sooner rather than later would be appreciated."

Shepard shook her head and tried to look as serious and formal as she could while still being in a hospital bed. "I can give you my answer now, sir: I accept your offer."

"Excellent," he said as he stood. "I'll be looking forward to working with you in the future. Get some rest, Shepard, you're going to need it."

_What have I just gotten myself into? _she thought as she watched him leave.

* * *

"Come on, Doc. I feel great," Shepard pleaded.

Chakwas narrowed her eyes. "Your vitals say otherwise, Shepard. Tell me – did you sleep at all last night?"

"Not really, no, but can you honestly blame me? I've been stuck here for three days. I need to clear my head before Hackett parades me in front the whole bloody galaxy. All I'm asking for is one day, twenty-four hours to enjoy the shore leave I'm supposed to be having." _Please, please, please._

"Alright," Chakwas said with a sigh. "But I expect you follow a few rules. First, no alcohol – drinking with the amount of medi-gel still in your system will very likely cause you to black out. Second, be mindful of your leg – it's not quite fully healed, but if you keep the walking to a minimum, you should be fine without needing a brace or a cane. Lastly, I expect you to report any problems or concerns to me immediately – if you show up here tomorrow worse off than you are now, I'll make you accept your award and promotion in a wheelchair."

"Seriously?"

"I have never been more serious in my entire life, Shepard."

_Not even a hint of a smile. Damn, she's good. _"I accept your terms and agree to adhere to them to the best of my ability."

"For your sake, you'd better," she said dryly. "Now get out of here before I change my mind."

* * *

_Okay, what to do? _It felt wonderful to be outside instead of stuck in her hospital room. _Finally, a planet with decent weather_. Shepard walked at a lazy pace out of the base into the city. _Well I know what I'd like to do, I just don't think it's possible._ She headed for the transit stop down the street and waited.

_Alright, what do I know about the woman from the bar? She seemed like a regular since she was teasing the barman about his choice in facial hair. _Shepard climbed aboard the bus and sat next to the exit. _She's a . . . software engineer? Something to do with tech. _She exited and walked a few blocks over to the nightclub.

Three days had passed since the attack. Elysium had repaired the streets and cleaned most of the debris, but individual businesses were still in the process of repairing their buildings, as was the case for the nightclub. "Hey, do you guys know if the owner is around?" Shepard asked a pair of men installing a new door to the main entrance of the nightclub.

"Yeah, he's inside. Watch your step, ma'am."

_Good call on going with the uniform instead of civies this time._ She nodded her thanks and slipped past them. It was strange seeing the interior completely lit up – it made the club seem smaller. _Luck might actually be in my favor, _she thought as she spotted the barman from the night of the attack on a ladder changing a neon light. "Excuse me, do you have a minute?"

He looked down at her with a frown. "I might. Here, take this," he said handing Shepard the spent light. "Alright, now hand me that one." She handed him the new bulb and waited patiently for the man to finish and climb down. "Grab that box and follow me." The barman collapsed the ladder and walked toward the bar with it. "Set that down there. I'll be back in a minute."

_Yes, sir. Anything you say, sir. _He reappeared and poured himself a drink. "You want anything?"

"I'm good, thank you," Shepard said with a forced smile.

"So," he said after taking a sip, "are you here to clean off the scuff marks you left on my bar three nights ago?"

Shepard opened, then closed her mouth with a confused look on her face.

The barman snickered. "I'm kidding, just don't do it again. What can I help you with?"

_How to phase this without sounding like a creep? _"I . . . met someone here three nights ago and I was wondering if you knew how I could get in touch with her."

"And just who," he said before taking another sip, "is the lucky someone you are referring to?"

Shepard could feel her face beginning to redden. "That's actually why I came back here. I neglected to get her name before . . . leaving this fine establishment." _Did that sound as bad as I think it sounded?_

"She wouldn't by chance be the same young lady who was snogging you senseless, would she?"

_I honestly can't remember the last time my face burned this much. _"That would be her. I believe she also poked fun at your beard, but I see you've shaved it off."

"Yeah, I'm thinking of going for muttonchops next." The barman finished his drink and leaned against the bar. "Do you know what they're saying on the news this morning? A handful of marines took out nearly three-quarters of the bastards that invaded three nights ago. It's kind of ironic because I knew all three guys, but the woman – I could have sworn she was the same one who jumped on top of my bar that night."

"I'm sorry for your loss," Shepard said after a moment. "They were good men and went out fighting."

"They were customers not family, but I appreciate the gesture." He refilled his glass. "So is it true, what they're saying? That we almost lost Elysium?"

"That's what they told me when I finally came to." _Getting a little off topic. Either help me or don't._

"So if I'm understanding this correctly, the only surviving marine from the fantastic four-"

"The what?"

"Fantastic four. That's what they're calling you guys."

"Suicide squad seems like a more appropriate handle," Shepard muttered.

The barman chuckled. "You know, I'm starting to like you. Back to my point: the savior of Elysium is asking for my help hooking up with a woman she failed to get the name of because-"

"Alright! I'm aware of what it looks like, okay? If she offered I wouldn't say no, but right now all I want is to see a familiar face, someone who isn't Alliance." Shepard ran her hand through her hair in frustration. "Are you going to help me or not?"

He at least had the decency to look a little ashamed. "Yeah, I'll help you. She works with a buddy of mine. Give me a minute." Shepard watched him retreat through the same door he took the ladder.

_Fucking fantastic four. What the hell was I thinking? This was a horrible idea. So much for professionalism . . ._

"I've got good news," the barman said when he returned. "She's heading over now."

_Wha- Really?_ "That's- I- Thank you," she stuttered.

"Yeah, yeah. Since you have a few minutes, why don't you help me straighten things up until she gets here?"

"Do I get to know her name?"

"Would you like to know mine?"

"I suppose the polite response would be _yes_."

"It's Mike and I think I'll let her introduce herself."

_You annoying little fucker. _"Alright, Mike, what can I do to help?"

* * *

_My promise to Hackett is the only thing keeping me from decking this ass hat, _Shepard thought as she positioned her fourteenth table.

"Oh my god-" Shepard turned to the door and saw the pretty brunette from two nights ago, staring at her in disbelief. "It really is you." She crossed the space between them before Shepard could think of anything to say.

"Hi," Shepard stammered out.

"Oh, it is _definitely_ you alright." She pulled Shepard into her arms.

"It's that _divine beauty_ thing all over again," she whispered into her neck. "Do I finally get to know your name?"

The woman pulled back and glared at Mike who was restocking the bar. "You didn't even tell her my name?"

"I thought you'd like the honor of doing it yourself," he yelled back.

"You're kind of a prick, you know that right?"

"Yes, yes I do."

"I'm so sorry you had to put up with him," she said to Shepard. "It's Lucy. You want to get out of here before Mike makes an even bigger ass of himself?"

"That would be wonderful."

* * *

"Okay, come on. You've asked me at least a dozen questions," Lucy said with a grin before sipping her second coffee. "I think it's my turn."

Shepard rubbed the back of her neck. "Yeah, sorry. It's a force of habit."

"Before you disappeared that night you said that you were really good at your job. What makes you so good?"

"Well," she said looking out the window of the coffee shop, "I'm special forces. I'm the person who gets sent in to do things that ordinary soldiers wouldn't be expected to do."

"Like what?"

"Things that require stealth or are high risk situations."

"So situations like three nights ago then?"

"Not exactly." Shepard sipped her drink. "That was well beyond anything I've ever done before. I usually stick to reconnaissance."

Lucy bit her lip. "What was it like, doing what you did to save the city?"

_How the hell do I answer that? _In her mind, Shepard watched Gallus drop to his knees, felt a ghost of the anger that consumed her. She heard the screams of the men she gunned down and howls of those she hacked through. The bitter disappointment of being brought to her knees by the enemy . . .

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that," Lucy said breaking Shepard's train of thought.

Shepard looked down at her cup. "It's okay. My doc said talking about it would help me _process_ everything." She took a sip. "It was a lot of half-baked ideas and dumb luck. Once we started our plan, everything just happened so quickly. There are some parts that I will remember for the rest of my life and others I have no memory of even after seeing it on security footage."

"Is that- How do you deal with it – the stress, I mean?"

"The during," she said after a moment, "though intense and hellish, doesn't leave a lot of time to acknowledge it. It's the after that's tricky. Most of the time, everything is fine, but others you're sweating and shaking even though you know you're safe. Some people never leave themselves with the time to process it, they just keep going on mission after mission. It's not healthy and those people usually break eventually. I . . . I look for someone to remind me how to be human. Even if it's just for a little while, it's enough to help me keep perspective and remember why I'm out there."

Lucy swirled the last of her drink in her cup. "And just how can someone remind you how to be human?"

Shepard felt her face begin to burn. _Why are we both blushing? This is a bit ridiculous._ "Sometimes I look for the most interesting person I can find and just spend time learning about who they are and what they do. Others times it's more about fulfilling a physical need. And then sometimes it's a bit of both."

Lucy looked up from her cup and bit her lip. "Would you say you could use a bit more _humanizing_?"

_Yes, absolutely_. "You know, I think I could."

Lucy flashed her a small, but mischievous grin. "Let's get out of here then."

"Lead on."

* * *

"I've been thinking a lot about that night," Lucy admitted as she and Shepard neared her apartment. "They were saying how so many soldiers died on the news – I thought you were one of them. At least up until today when they plastered your picture all over the extranet."

"Fantastic. Did they use they use the one from basic?"

"I don't know. You did look younger and much more serious."

"So yes. I'm surprised you recognized me at all."

Lucy flashed her omni-tool in front of her door to open it. "You're pretty hard to forget, soldier girl." She took Shepard's hand and led her inside. "I was hoping we could pick up where we left off."

Shepard grinned as Lucy pulled her into her arms. "That sounds very enticing."

"I'm glad you agree," she whispered against Shepard's lips.

Without the throbbing music, Shepard could hear every gasp of pleasure, the rustling of their clothes as they were pushed and pulled aside. The feel of Lucy's cool hands on her overheated skin sent tingles down her spine.

"I'm going to love making you squirm, soldier girl," Lucy purred as they separated long enough to remove eachother's shirts.

"You think so?" Shepard panted into her ear as she trailed her hands up and down the sides of Lucy's rib cage.

"Oh, yes." She tugged Shepard further into the room. "Consider it a very _personal_ thank you for everything that you've done." She pulled Shepard in close before pushing her down onto the sofa.

"I don't intend on letting you have all the fun," Shepard laughed as Lucy straddled her waist.

"I suppose I could share." She threaded her fingers through Shepard's hair. "But not for a while through."

Shepard felt a surge of heat flow through her body as they kissed. She let her hands wander over her hips and bum, groaning whenever Lucy nibbled her lip or teased her scalp with her nails. _Fuck, that's fantastic. _She embraced her tightly before leaning to the side and falling back along the length of the sofa. _But this is better._

Lucy pulled herself away from Shepard. "Eager aren't we?"

"Can you blame me?"

"No, I can't." She pulled Shepard's boots off before moving to her trousers. "I'd better not keep you waiting then." Shepard lifted her hips. "Your body is _divine_," Lucy said with a smirk.

"I try," Shepard laughed before Lucy began ghosting her fingers over the newly exposed skin and panties. "Fuck," she whispered.

"That is the idea." She parted Shepard's legs further with her knee and leaned forward. Her lips brushed Shepard's as she spoke, "Ready to squirm?"

"If you think you can make me." Shepard bent the leg Lucy was straddling and teased between her legs.

"Is that a challenge?"

Shepard pulled her flush to her body. "Yes, it is," she said before kissing her. "You're way too over dressed for this party," Shepard panted when they separated.

Lucy hovered over her and smiled at her playfully. "I have no idea what you're talking about." Shepard opened her mouth to protest but groaned instead. "I did say I wanted to thank you properly." Her fingers teased Shepard's abdomen again before moving lower. "And I intend on doing just that." She slipped her fingers under her panties and gently between her folds. "But after that," she cooed before she teased Shepard's opening, "then we can discuss my attire."

"O-okay . . . _Fuck_ . . ." she stammered, unable to stop her hips from rocking against her hand, trying to urge her deeper.

"No witty comeback?" Shepard could hear the smirk in her voice. A finger slipped deeper. Shepard let out a shuddering breath. "Is that what you're after?" She began teasing the soldier again.

Shepard gasped at the loss. "Yes," she cried out. She felt herself being filled again. "_Fuck_," she whispered. Another finger slipped inside her. She threw her head back and moaned. Lights began flashing behind her closed eyes as she gripped the fabric of the sofa tightly. The rhythm sped up and Shepard angled he hips to bring the friction exactly where she needed it. A fog of pleasure clouded her mind as she lost it – arching off the sofa and clenching violently. It was several chest heaving breaths before she opened her eyes.

"Hey, soldier girl," Lucy said with a grin. "Did I get it right?"

"Yeah, I think you did." Shepard chuckled and ran a hand through the brunette's hair. "Can we discuss your attire now?"

"I suppose."

"Good because now it's my turn."

* * *

_Ping . . . Ping . . . Ping_

Shepard cracked her eyes open and activated her omni-tool. O-five hundred, a message from Anderson. _Can't even sleep in on my shore leave._ She groaned and pushed her hair off her face.

"What's up?" Lucy croaked, still half asleep.

"Just work stuff." She sat up and stretched her arms above her head.

"Yeah?"

Shepard turned and saw her drowsily ogling her. "I'm supposed to meet someone in an hour," she said with a smile.

"This early?" She looked revolted anyone would be up this early.

"To be fair, I think he's on a different time schedule than us." She leaned down and pecked her on the lips. "Care to join me in the shower?"

Lucy groaned before giggling. "If anyone else had asked me that this early, I would have said no."

* * *

"Captain Anderson," Shepard said with more bravado than necessary, "Do you have any idea how early it is here?" She took the chair opposite him in the mess hall.

"What's the matter, Chief?" he asked grinning. "Shore leave turning you soft?"

"Four days ago, I thought it was trying to kill me." Shepard took a bite of her toast. "So how much do you know?"

"Admiral Hackett briefed me last night when I arrived. I would have done this then, but Dr. Chakwas said something about you needing to _enjoy your shore leave_."

Shepard nearly choked on her breakfast. "Of course she did."

"Well I assume you did because don't look _dead on your feet anymore_." _Chakwas thought I looked that bad?_

"I did," she said simply, ignoring how warm her face felt. "So was there anything Hackett said that I might be interested in hearing?"

"And that I can tell you?" He sipped his coffee. "He's been looking for a reason to go on the offensive for a while now and I think he finally has it. There's a good chance you may be offered a role in that once the details are hammered out."

Shepard nodded. "Okay, I suppose that has to make its way through the bureaucracy first."

"Of course."

"So what, six months?"

Anderson shook his head. "More likely sixteen."

"Shit, so do you know what they're going to do with me until then?"

"I've heard they're going to parade you up on a stage in front of the whole colony tomorrow."

"Don't remind me." Shepard pushed her hair behind her ear. "I'm grateful for the promotion and award, but I could do without the pageantry."

Anderson laughed. "Get used to it, kid. Half of what I do now a days is hand out promotions and give speeches."

"Do you enjoy it?" she ask hesitantly.

"Sure, I see less combat, but I'm getting too old to keep up with the likes of you anyway."

"Forty isn't that old unless you're a salarian." Shepard swirled the last of her coffee around in her cup. "I just feel like I might be in over my head."

"I don't blame you," he said sadly. "It's a lot of responsibility, but if there's anyone who can take it, it's you, Shepard."

She smiled before taking a sip of her coffee. "It's just that part of me wonders what would happen if I just . . . if I just stayed here. Just hung up my armor and became a civilian."

"This won't by chance have anything to do with where you disappeared to last night, would it?"

"It might," she admitted without meeting his stare. "It's just that for so long, all I've known is death and violence. It was nice to be with someone without either looming over me."

"She was something special?"

_Shit, is Hackett keeping tabs on me already?_ "She was as fiery as they come." She shook her head sighed. "But I hardly know her. Shit, I don't know what I want anymore."

Anderson began to chuckle. "My god, you have it bad."

"Permission to tell you to shut it, sir?" she said with an eye roll.

"Denied." Anderson sobered up a bit. "If you feel that strongly about her, I'd be remiss to ask you to stay."

Shepard shook her head. "She's fantastic, but I think I'm just getting cold feet. I have no idea what I'd do as a civilian. Elysium isn't big on farming."

"You could take over as head of security," he offered.

"Hell. No. If I'm going to keep fighting, I want to do more than babysit a colony." Shepard laughed. "I'm doomed to be alone, aren't I?"

"You and me both."

"That's bullshit and you know it, sir."

"What do you mean?"

"I happen to know that you have a lady friend you've been spending all of your shore leave with."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he said with a large grin.

"You're not even trying to deny it!"

"I have no comment."

"You are so bloody transparent."

"So I've been told."

Shepard shook her head and smiled. "I guess as long as I have you, I'm not technically alone either."

"Damn right you aren't. I think you might even be growing on Dr. Chakwas."

"That's good because I can't imagine what being on her bad side would be like."

"It's not fun," Anderson said before sipping his coffee. "If you get the chance, and a bottle of Serrice Ice Bandy, ask her about how well I handled being put on medical leave after a mission on Sidon research station. I'm sure she'll get a kick out of that."

"I might just do that." Shepard sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "Speaking of, I should report back to her before she confines me to a wheelchair tomorrow."

They were headed for the exit when Anderson stopped them. "I'm not sure if I said it, but I'm glad you're okay."

Shepard smiled, "It was implied."

He nodded and grinned. "Take it easy, Shepard. Who knows when you'll get your next break."

"Such a lovely thought to part with and made better knowing it was you who cut my shore leave short," she said with a wave as she set off for the infirmary.

"Smart arse."

* * *

A/N: Smut is not my strong suit, I know, but Shepard needed to get laid. Otherwise, this was my favorite chapter to write. I freaking love writing Anderson and Shepard together. Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7: Torfin's cannon-fodder

A/N: **Warning,** the following chapter contains a suicide. If this isn't for you, please turn back.

* * *

**"**_Thirty seconds_**,"** Shepard heard through her comm. She and two dozen other marines flanked either side of the small hanger door.

_**"**Ten seconds**."**_ The two engineers hacking the door pulled back and activated defensive drones. Blood pounded in Shepard's ears_. Let's do this._

_**"**Move**!"**_ The hanger door opened with a grating screech and a small rush of atmosphere escaping into space. Shepard ducked under the slowly opening door and through the mass effect field, leading half of the marines along the perimeter. Three batarian mechanics fell to the ground in a flurry of gunfire. The soldiers regrouped at three freight elevators at the far end of the room.

_**"**Alpha, we're up. Beta, hold this position until Delta and Zulu arrive**." **_Shepard watched with her squad as Commander Kyle and the rest of Alpha disappeared into an elevator.

"Set up a perimeter and keep an eye on the elevators," she ordered as they disengaged their respirators. This was one of the smaller hangers, only room enough for two Kodiaks. Five hangers were being hit on their assault of Torfan, but the groups in this hanger would spearhead the operation. Shepard activated her omni-tool and watched the time tick by. _Fifteen seconds. . ._

_**"**Delta has arrived on schedule, Shepard**."**_

"Excellent. Beta, regroup." A jolt of adrenaline flooded her blood as she followed her group into the elevator. Beta was the largest group entering through this hanger and with good reason – they were tasked with securing the main barracks. It was a high risk mission and every marine in that crowded lift had volunteered for the job.

"Thirty seconds. Rollins, be ready to take point." Shepard lit her omni-tool and took a last look at the schematics of the base before taking a cleansing breath. "Gentlemen, today we give voice to the thousands of innocents stolen by these cowardly monsters. They cry for blood and we will humbly oblige. Good hunting, men."

An angry, low chorus of "Oo-rah" filled the lift as the doors opened. Dull gray walls lined the corridor as Beta moved quickly and quietly through the base. Splatters of blood and fallen batarians marked the path Alpha had taken to the command center to deactivate the security and cut the power.

Rollins halted the group silently and raised his silenced rifle. Ahead a door opened with a soft swish. Voices could be heard as a batarian stood in the doorway looking back at the other occupants. _Hold position. Wait for the door to close to execute. _The man walked back into the room and the door closed. Rollins moved the group on.

**"Any questions?" Kyle asked as he finished explaining his offensive plan.**

**Shepard remained quiet as Admiral Hackett asked about logistics. From the corner of her eye, she saw Anderson shoot her a look – her discontent must have shown on her face.**

**"The squad securing the barracks, Beta, they're going to be out numbered 40 to 1. Wouldn't it be better to seal the batarians in rather than fight them in close quarters?" she asked when Hackett finished.**

**"We could seal the main entrances and exits, but there are emergency exits we won't be able to access or block. We can't risk them getting to the armory before we have it secured."**

**"So they're cannon fodder – slowing the enemy down, buying Zulu more time to secure the armory."**

**"Not the term I'd use," Kyle said shortly, "but yes, I don't expected them to complete their mission."**

**"Who exactly is going to make up Beta?"**

**"That has yet to be determined." Kyle narrowed his eyes as he watched Shepard digest the information. "It's not ideal, but none of this is. We will lose many people, there's no getting around that."**

**"I understand, but condemning a squad before they even reach Torfan . . . Who will lead them?"**

**"That has yet to be determined."**

**"I'm sorry, but if the success of the mission rests on securing the armory, isn't securing the barracks just as important?"**

**"Every part of the mission is important-"**

**"If Beta is immediately overwhelmed, there goes the whole mission!"**

**"Shepard!"**

**The young Lieutenant bit her tongue at Anderson's reprimand.**

**Kyle sighed in frustration. "This is the best plan we have. If you have an alternative, I'm all ears."**

**Shepard ran a hand through her hair before speaking evenly. "While I appreciate the opportunity, it's clear I'm not vital to Alpha's success. I'd like to volunteer to lead Beta."**

**Silence met her announcement.**

Rollins slowed the group and checked the next intersection before moving the group on. He had been one of the first to volunteer after her leadership had been announced. The years had not been kind to him once he finally lost the last bit of hope of seeing his kidnapped family again. Aged beyond his years, she was surprised to see his face light up with a genuine smile at the sight of her for the first time in seven years. The two of them had worked closely together on their plan of attack.

_**"**Status report**," **_Kyle said over the comm.

"Beta is thirty seconds from the barracks," she said softly.

_**"**Delta is in position at the second warehouse**."**_

_**"**Zulu is in position at the armory**."**_

_**"**The base is about to go dark. Beta, double time it to the barracks**!" **_

"Yes, sir." Ahead, Rollins picked up the pace. "Beta is in position," she said as her group hastily flanked either side of the entrance to the barracks.

The lights clicked off as the ventilation went silent. _**"**All groups are clear to engage**."**_

Switching his visor to infrared, Rollins led the charge through the door. Gunning down the batarians in the common area, Beta began splitting up into groups of two, moving toward the numerous bunk rooms.

**"Shepard, can I ask you something?" Rollins asked the night before the raid.**

**"Shoot."**

**"Why are you really here?" he asked shrewdly. "You had your choice of squads. Why lead the cannon-fodder?"**

**Shepard looked up from the rifle she was modifying and wiped her hands on a greasy rag. "Why did any of us volunteer?" she said softly.**

**"Skip the flowery, philosophical bullshit."**

**"Fuck you, Rollins," Shepard said with a grin. "You want a straight answer: I want to kill as many goddamn batarians as I can. I'm so fucking sick of fighting slaver rings. Every mission makes me more and more angry and frustrated. I want to end this, even if it kills me."**

**"_If_ it kills you? I know we have best damn squad going into the mission, but let's be honest: none of us are coming back from this."**

**"Is that why you're here then," she asked as she returned her attention to her rifle, "suicide by war in the fight to end it all?"**

**"I was ready to die years ago, Shepard. I've just been too lucky for my own damn good."**

**"Luck wasted on someone who never wanted it in the first place."**

**"Sounds about right."**

Shrieks of pain and anger filled the barracks as the marines opened fire. For nearly fifteen seconds, savage satisfaction flooded Shepard before the batarians began turning the tables and fought back. Behind her, she heard one of her marines cry out in pain and fall to the ground. "Block the route to the armory and the exits! No one leaves here alive!"

She and her battle partner retreated back to the common area as more batarians broke through their line. "Keep the pressure on!" They moved swiftly, gunning down their prey before they could exit. The sensors in her hard suit wailed as her shield fell.

**"Do you have a minute?"**

**Shepard gestured to the seat opposite her as she took another bite of her meal.**

**Anderson sat back and folded his arms across his chest. "How are the preparations going?"**

**"Good. We have a pretty good squad. I did have to turn away two yesterday though."**

**"Hmm. Why?"**

**She paused mid bite and set down her utensil. "Contrary to popular belief, I'm not just recruiting everyone with a death wish. If I think they'll be a liability or need to be helped, I refer them to the shrink you keep pushing me to see."**

**"But you haven't talked to him."**

**"No."**

**"Why?" His tone was shifting to impatience.**

**"Because I'm busy planning the biggest assault in the Alliance's history since the First Contact War."**

**Anderson sighed heavily. "Damn it, Shepard! What the hell are you trying to accomplish?"**

**"My _job_. If you think I'm not fit for duty then-"**

**"You know damn well I would have had you medically removed from the mission if I could."**

**"Then _what_ is the purpose of this conversation, Anderson?" Shepard felt her temper flare. "I'm trying to keep these men alive. If I don't lead them, who do you propose as my replacement? Some other nameless, faceless soldier with a death wish?"**

**Anderson leaned forward on his forearms toward Shepard. "Someone without your potential," he said softly in the empty mess hall. "Someone who has had their chance at a long career and life. This wasn't what Hackett wanted for you-"**

**"I'm painfully aware of that. But let's flip this around: how would I be able to live with myself knowing I was no more than a figurehead or a- a _mascot_ for Alpha-"**

**"Bullshit-"**

**"Really? Because that's what it looked like from where I was sitting." A tense silence lingered. Anderson rubbed his face wearily as he shook his head. "You don't have to like it, but I would appreciate it if you could accept that what's done is done."**

**"I've never doubted your abilities, Shepard," he said quietly, "just you motives. Sometimes I feel like you forget there are still people who care about you."**

**She raised her eyes to meet his. "How could I forget when I always have you in the back of my mind reminding me to not to die?**

"Fall back!" Shepard shouted over the gunfire. Outnumbered at least twenty-to-one, their mission priority had shifted – "Cover the emergency exits!" – stalling, to allow Zulu enough time to secure the armory before they were overrun. "Rollins, what's it look like on your end?!" Shepard asked as she darted out of cover back toward the bunk rooms.

_**"**Shitty, Shepard. We're at half strength**." **_ A pause. _** "**I don't suppose your end is any better**."**_

"Just me and Ghale. _Shit-_" She ducked back into cover. "Fucking lucky all they have are sidearms and not grenades."

_**"**Shit, there's a lot of movement over here. I think they're about to head your way**."**_

"We see them." Shepard shared a look with Ghale. _This is it._ "It's been an honor severing with all of you," she said as she dosed herself with a stim.

**"Not you, too," Shepard said tensely. The infirmary was bad enough without the doctor's silence.**

**"I have no idea what you're talking about," Dr. Chakwas said dryly.**

**"Not a single crack about not being unconscious and covered in blood?"**

**The older woman chuckled softly. "I always knew you were smarted than you let on."**

**"Alright, let's get this over with then."**

**Chakwas powered down her omni-tool and fixed her patient with a stern look. "What could I possibly say that the captain hasn't already?" She circled around Shepard like a disapproving instructor reprimanding a new recruit. "You're an adult, Shepard. You're free to make your own choices. Just don't be surprised when your friends try to talk you out of a questionable decision."**

**"I'm not surprised and I'm completely aware of how questionable my decision is," she objected.**

**"Good, then I have no intention of trying to convince you to change your mind."**

**"Seriously?"**

**"You've never done anything to make me question your judgment (_for the most part_), so I don't see why I should start now."**

**Shepard sighed and felt her body relax. "Thank you. Anderson doesn't seem to agree."**

**Chakwas laughed softly. "Of course not, but then he's always had a soft spot for you. He's mentored many young men and women, but you have always been special. I'd dare to say he sees you more as a daughter than a protege. You mustn't be too hard on him."**

**Shepard nodded silently.**

"Here they come!" Two groups of batarians emerged from a bunk room running for the armory entrance. She and Ghale fired until their rifles and sidearms overheated, but the sheer numbers overwhelmed them. They stood from their cover and charged at them.

Using their rifles, they beat back the half-naked batarians as long as they could. Over the chaos, she heard Ghale cry out before falling. She felt the rifle yanked from her hands as she was thrown to the ground. _Not yet!_ She rolled away from the mob and grabbed an abandoned sidearm and her combat knife.

Shooting a path into the group, Shepard charged again. Her blade found flesh in the dense mob as she moved with deadly grace from one victim to the next. Blood splatted the common room and made the floor slick. Three batarians raced by her to the armory.

_**"**Status Report**!"**_

Shepard didn't respond as she pulled an injured batarian in front of her as a shield. Her aim was efficient as she fired across the room, stopping the batarians before they could exit.

_**"**Delta is encountering heavy resistance, but holding position**!"**_

Her jaw clenched as she felt her armor begin to fail. She pushed her lifeless shield away and rolled out of the line of fire. Nearly a dozen batarians turned and headed for Rollins' position.

_**"**Zulu is falling back! We're about to be flanked. Requesting assistance in the armory**!"**_

"Rollins?!" she yelled hoarsely as she returned fire with the remaining batarians. The corridor ahead of her was littered with lifeless bodies and liters of crimson blood.

_**"**Alpha is in route. Beta, status report**!"**_

Shepard pushed forward as the last of the resistance fell. "_Rollins!_" she repeated as she raced down the hallway past the bunk rooms.

_**"**Beta, report**!"**_

At the far exit among the dead was Rollins, the side of his face drenched in blood and slumped against the wall. "Beta has secured the barracks," she reported bitterly.

_**"**Head for the armory and meet up with Zulu**!"**_

_Goddamn it all to hell. _Exhaustion and anger threaten to overtake Shepard as she knelt down next to Rollins. She placed a hand on his shoulder, not expecting the sharp gasp he made as he opened his eyes. "Shepard?"

"Holy fuck!" she whispered as she fumbled for a medi-gel and dosed him. "How the _hell_ are you still alive?"

He groaned as he straightened up. "Too much goddamn luck." He took Shepard's offered hand and was pulled to his feet. "How the hell are _you_ still alive?"

"I promised Anderson I'd try not to die," she said, steadying him. "Are you able to fight?"

"What choice do I have? What's the plan?"

"Help Zulu." Shepard led the way. "Watch your step."

It was slow going, picking their way over and around the fallen, something Shepard was grateful for – she could feel her body beginning to crash after her deadly fury. _Just keep going._

_**"**Alpha has arrived at the armory, watch your fire on the western side**."**_

She and Rollins entered the room from the north, slowed by injuries and exhaustion. "Beta is coming from the north." Tall crates of ammunition and drugs made a maze out of the expansive room. Gunfire masked their approach as came up behind the enemy.

"I have visual," she said softly to Rollins. Ahead, a group of batarians were raiding their stockpile looking for heavy weapons. "Ready?"

He nodded. Together they moved forward silently dispatched the men. Across the room an explosion shook the room. "Kyle, what's happening over there?"

_**"**Bastards are arming turrets! Get up behind them before they start using the fucking Grizzlies too**!"**_

"On it!" Another explosion shook the room as Shepard and Rollins quickly crept along the perimeter. Clouds of maroon swirled around the crates near the turrets. _What the fuck is that?_ The soldiers took cover as they surveyed the scene. "Kyle, we have a visual on the turrets, but not the batarians!"

_**"**Shit, take out the turrets. We're heading your way**."**_

**Shepard stood at parade rest with the other squad leaders as Kyle addressed the troops before everyone shipped out. His speech was met with a boisterous 'Oo-rah!' from nearly one hundred soldiers. As the room began to empty, Hackett approached the squad leaders.**

**"Kyle, Shepard, Min, a word." Shepard followed Kyle and the Zulu squad leader to the Admiral's office. "Every other part of the mission can go to hell," he said as the three stood before Hackett, "and still succeed if we are able to secure the armory." He poured an amber colored liquor into four tumblers before handing them out. "That being said, this mission rests almost entirely on your shoulders. Complete the mission or die trying," he said as a toast.**

"Shit!" Shepard muttered as two turrets peppered the crate she was using for cover. A few meters away she saw Rollins mimic her actions as the guns swiveled in his direction. "Kyle, are there any engineers with you? We aren't making much progress."

"I have Osmond on it," he said as he took cover next to Shepard. "Just two of you left?"

"Yes, sir. _Shit – Move!_" They bolted to a new stack of crates as the turrets obliterated their cover. "Is there enough of Zulu left to defend the armory?"

"I've called for the first wave of reinforcements," he said as he leaned out to fire on the turrets. "Once they arrive we need to regroup and head for the safe room. Osmond, hurry up!"

"Working on it!" Shepard heard a few meters away. As she leaned out, a canister in front of her cover exploded, sending a face full of maroon dust and shrapnel in her direction. She pulled back coughing uncontrollably. Eyes watering and throat burning, she fell to her knees. Someone pulled her away from the dust cloud as a sharp buzzing overwhelmed her senses. _Can't breathe, why can't I breathe?! _A dark numbness began pulling her away. . . .

Air, glorious air filled her searing lungs, bringing her back to the present. She was face down on concrete floor of the armory. Nearby Kyle was yelling at his engineer again. _The fuck just happened?_

"Finally!" he shouted. Shepard coughed up a mouthful of blood before pushing herself to her hands and knees. "Shepard, _fucking hell_, do you know how many people we've lost already to that shit? Keep your goddamn eyes open!"

_What the hell is he going on about?_ She stood on weak knees as the room began to spin. "What?"

"Red sand!" he said bitterly before he began coordinating with the reinforcements over the comm.

Time, she noticed, was moving inconsistently. As she leaned against a crate, she watched Kyle move in slow-motion as Rollins practically teleported to her side. "Shepard, shit, I think I might have a medi-gel left," he said before injecting it via her hard suit.

"Fuck," she whispered as her knees gave out. Rollins caught her and lowered her to the ground.

"Shepard, you still with us?" he said as he gave her shoulders a shake.

"Yeah," she muttered, "that shit is intense." Time began moving more consistently. "I think I'm okay."

"Regroup!" Kyle shouted. She and Rollins followed the rest of Alpha and Zulu to the eastern entrance where the reinforcements were waiting. "Min, take point. We're heading for the panic room. With any luck, we'll find the base commanders there. Shepard, how's your head? Are you good to go?"

"Yes, sir." Her voice sounded hoarse in her ears, but Kyle nodded. The squad set out. The emergency lighting bathed the corridors in patchy luminescence, shadows stretching endlessly along their path. A migraine throbbed behind Shepard's eyes as the biotic drug worked its way through her body.

"Contact!" Min shouted as they turned into a new corridor. A small squadron of batarians were dug in behind portable blockades standing between them and the panic room. Min and his Zulu squad took cover while the rest of the group retreated to give them more room to maneuver.

**Shepard bolted up in her bunk, heart sprinting uncontrollably. Images flashed behind her eyes, the same images that had haunted her nearly every night since Elysium over a year ago. _Shit, not again. _Pulling her knees to her chest, she waited impatiently for her heart to slow. _I just need one night, eight hours of sleep is all I ask._**

**The silent bunkroom seemed to close in on her as she calmed. Moving quietly, she slipped on her unlaced boots and grabbed her sweatshirt. Like a zombie, Shepard shuffled along a well-worn path to the port-side observation deck.**

**"Back again?"**

**The exhausted lieutenant sighed and bowed her head in defeat. "Are you camping out here waiting for me now?"**

**Anderson beckoned her forward. "No, I just had a feeling. With tomorrow being the big day . . ."**

**Shepard shuffled into the room and stood in front of the floor to ceiling window. "Yeah, I really didn't have much hope for sleeping." She leaned against the glass. "I can't imagine sleeping will be any easier after tomorrow."**

**"No, I imagine not," he said with a sad smile.**

**She turned to him and asked quietly, "You're not going to try to convince me to back down?"**

**"No," he said tiredly, "you've made it clear you intend on seeing this through to the end. I just hope . . ."**

**"Hope that we can fight about this again tomorrow?"**

**"Yes."**

**Shepard pushed off from the window and sat next to Anderson. Tiredness pulled at her body and mind as she drew her knees to her chest. "I'm sorry for all of this. I understand why you fought so hard to change my mind. If I could have found an alternative, I would have taken it."**

**"I know, and that's what makes this so hard." He leaned forward and stared at his hands. "I hate that this is how it has to be, but I am _so_ damn proud of you for doing it."**

**Throat constricting, she closed her eyes and nodded. "Thank you," she whispered.**

**Anderson wrapped an arm around her shoulders as they sat in comfortable silence.**

"Clear!" Min yelled as the shooting ended. The grouped merged and pressed forward down the narrow corridor to the fortified door leading to the panic room. Kyle's engineer, Osmond, began hacking the lock on the door.

**"Just promise me you'll do everything you can to make it out of there alive," Anderson whispered as Shepard began to nod off.**

**"I promise."**

"TURRET ON OUR SIX!" Rollins roared as he began to fire. Shepard turned and watch in horror as the rocket armed turret finish lowering from the ceiling.

Time stopped. _Inhale. _There was no suitable cover and the corridor was too long to escape before it fired. _Exhale. _ Everyone around her began firing. Osmond would not be able to hack the door in time. The first rocket ignited. _Inhale. _Her rifle fell from her tingling hands as she pushed in front of the squad. _Exhale. _Time resumed.

"Holy shit!" Rollins shouted as the first rocket hit Shepard's biotic blast, sending it in the ground three meters in front of them. She cried out agony as she threw the next and the next, hands trembling as she desperately tried to focus through the pain. "Just fucking die already!" Rollins yelled at the turret as his rifle overheated. _Keep-going-keep-going! Almost . . ._

_**Shhhablam!**_

The explosion blinded her as Shepard fell to her knees. "Fuck, yes! Shepard, we're good! Shepard? Shit, Shepard!" Merciful darkness consumed her before she hit the floor.

. . .

. . . "She's not . . ."

. . . "Keep . . . "

"Shep- Shepard!" Blurry images quickly cleared as she sucked in large lungfuls of air. Rollins' face hovered over her – his lips moving, but comprehension eluding her. Darkness began pulling her beneath its inky surface again. _Slap, slap, slap. _Light pierced her eyes as she focused on Rollins. "Stay with us, Shepard! We can't be out of medi-gel!" he yelled to someone beyond her line of sight.

"I'm okay," she croaked out. Her senses were coming back as she slowly pushed herself to her knees. She spit a mouthful of blood onto the floor.

"Take it slow, Shep." Rollins was knelt beside her, further down Osmond continued working on the lock. The rest of the squad watched as she sat against the wall of the corridor.

"That was one hell of a show, Shepard." Kyle squatted in front of her. She felt his gloved hand on the side of her head and realized someone had removed her helmet. "There's nothing in your file about you being biotic."

"I'm not," she growled as head throbbed mercilessly. Anger flared uncontrollably, masking her exhaustion and pain. "Where's my fucking gear?"

Rollins handed over her helmet. "Shepard, you flat-lined. Take it easy."

"Fucking batarians," she muttered as she forced herself to her feet. "I'm fine." Her chest throbbed sharply in protest, nearly robbing her of breath.

"Shepard, you're in no-"

"Got it!" Osmond shouted.

"You remember Hackett's orders?" Shepard asked hoarsely as Kyle hesitated.

"I can't take you with if you won't be able to keep up."

"If I fall behind, then leave me behind," she barked as she took her rifle from Min. "Until then, I don't think you can afford to leave me here." She took her spot in the formation and waited.

"Jesus fucking Christ," he muttered as he passed her and gave the order to move out.

Anger could only mask so much pain for so long. As the squad burst through the hacked door, Shepard felt every step, every stab of pain. She tasted blood as her nose began to bleed again. _Just keep going._

"Fall back!" Min yelled as a grenade bounced toward them from the next room.

Shepard and Rollins rolled away from the blast radius and fired into the darkened room. Hours of training together with Beta made their movements instinctual. They rushed forward into the room and overwhelmed the resistance. "Clear!" Rollins yelled.

Min nodded to them as he led the group forward. _Just keep going. You've survived worse,_ Shepard reminded herself as she and Rollins fell back into position. Room after room was swept, but only a handful of pirates were found. Kyle's frustration was palpable.

Finally, the squad found themselves in a small, empty hanger. "Goddamn it!" Kyle shouted. Judging from the size of the hanger, at least three small ships were missing. A sweep uncovered nothing – the bastards in charge had escaped the base.

As Zulu and Alpha formed a defensive perimeter, Shepard and Rollins sat against a wall and watched Kyle update Hackett on the mission.

"Kind of anticlimactic, don't you think?" Shepard said as a wave of migraine-induced nausea hit her.

"I don't fucking care anymore," he said as he took off his helmet.

"The base is secure," Kyle shouted. "A ship is on the way to pick us up. Excellent work, people."

"Oo-rah," she laughed almost hysterically as she turned to Rollins. "We did it."

Rollins chuckled as he examined his sidearm. "Yes, we did."

"How long do you think until they send us out to mop up the rest of the bastards?"

"I'm done," he said, the mirth falling from his face. "I've done what I came here to do. I'm done fighting."

Shepard pulled her helmet off and tried to focus on his face as her head continued to throb relentlessly. "Are you sure? We make one hell of a team."

He stared the pistol in his hand. "There's nothing left for me, Shepard. . . I never thanked you for saving me from myself while we were at the Villa."

"You never had to," she groaned – the pain was growing exponentially worse the longer they sat.

"I want to. If it wasn't for you I would have thrown everything away years ago. You brought me seven more years to protect the galaxy from what I couldn't protect my family from. Thank you."

Shepard nodded, but a warning blasted through the static of the pain. She turned and watched Rollins lift his pistol to his temple. "Rollins, _NO!_" She batted his hand away, but she was too late. A mist of blood hung in the air as she stared wide-eyed at her friend's lifeless body.

How long she sat there staring at him, she didn't know. The ship arrived and she was pulled to her feet. Kyle's face replaced Rollins' as he guided her to a seat and belted her in. The journey was spent staring at the body bag in the middle of the Kodiac. _He's dead. . . He's dead. . . He's gone. . . ._

Muscle memory guided her from the small ship once they docked in the hanger of the Alliance carrier. Faceless soldiers helped her out of her hard suit and to the elevator with the rest of the squad. Kyle led the group to the infirmary. _He's never coming back._

Words were spoken, the squad was pulled in different directions by nurses and doctors. Everything washed over her as she was led by the arm to an examination table. The glow of an omni-tool bathed her in orange light. Unfamiliar faces swam in front of her, trying to register a response. _He just – he. . ._

"Where is she?" a voice cut through her trance. Dr. Chakwas took her face in her hands as she shined a bright light in her eyes. "Shepard, can you hear me?"

"He's dead," she said in a trembling voice. "He just- just-"

"I know, dear," she said as she took a syringe from someone. "Just try to relax."

"He's- he's . . ." _gone. _ Darkness dragged her down into icy numbness.

* * *

_Thump – thump – thump. _Three hours later, a sand-filled bag was swinging from the force of her strikes. _Thump – thump. _Sweat ran into her eyes as she sucked in another quick breath. _Thump – thump. _"Can I help you?" she asked tensely to the man standing behind her. _Thump – thump – thump._

"Ma'am, Dr. Chakwas sent me to remind you you're supposed to be on bed rest," the young orderly replied shortly.

Shepard ignored him long enough to hit the bag several more times. "Tell the esteemed doctor . . . she can put me . . . on medical leave if she wants." Her anger flared as she continued venting it physically. "I will be more than happy . . . to return to the . . . infirmary once I'm finished here . . . but not a moment before."

"Lieutenant Shepard, she gave me very clear orders that I was not to return without you."

"Then pull up a chair." _Thump – thump – thump._

"Shepard! Stop being an ass and get back to the infirmary." She turned and to see Kyle standing next to the orderly. "You need to get cleared for the debriefing."

_Fuck you and your goddamn debriefing._ Shepard turned back to the punching bag and assaulted it with as much fury and strength as she could in three last strikes. _Thump – thump – THUMP!_

"Still not a biotic?" Kyle asked shortly as Shepard passed him on her way to the lift – her hands still glowing with electric blue smoke.

Letting out a slow breath, Shepard released a bit of her anger and extinguished her biotics. "That's a question for Dr. Chakwas, sir," she said as she wiped the blood from her nose.

"I'm sure," she heard him say as the door to the lift closed.

* * *

"Overall, I think we couldn't have asked for a better outcome," Hackett said to the surviving squad leaders. Shepard sat stone faced between Kyle and Min, trying earnestly fight back the urge to walk out of the debriefing in disgust. "Though we weren't able to capture the commanding officers, we've taken their stronghold and have the locations of dozens of smaller bases. With this information, we may finally be able to drive them out of this part of the galaxy for good."

She watched Hackett point out statistics about the resources seized in the raid, the number of pirates killed and captured, and the number of Alliance troops killed in action. It all washed over her without sinking in – a steady anger fueled her shocked body and mind, protecting her from feeling anything else.

"We will meet again tomorrow at nineteen-hundred hours to discuss the next phase of the mission. Until then, get some rack time, you've all earned it."

Shepard waited until most of the room had cleared before standing. "Shepard, Kyle. Could you both hang back a moment?" Anderson asked from his seat next to Hackett.

_Make it quick, Anderson. _She and Kyle sat back down and waited.

"As I understand, we lost a marine, Lieutenant John Rollins, toward the end of the mission. His cause of death was left missing in your report, Commander Kyle," Hackett said in a clipped voice.

"That is correct, sir," he said in just as clipped of a voice.

"Would either of you care to clarify his cause of death?" Anderson asked.

"A single gunshot to the head," Shepard said staring at her hands folded on the table in front of them, "self-inflicted." She could feel Kyle's stare boring a hole in her skull, but he said nothing.

"Self-inflicted?" Hackett said, "At what point did this happen?"

"After the base was secured." Shepard's voice was soft, but clear. "We were catching our breath one moment and the next he had his pistol to the side of his head."

Anderson shook his head sadly. "Officially he will be listed as KIA. There wasn't a next of kin listed-"

"He has none to my knowledge," Shepard supplied. Beside her, Kyle mumbled something under his breath. "I'm sorry, Commander, I didn't catch that," her voice dangerously calm and quiet.

Kyle hesitated for moment. "How could you have missed that?"

"Missed what? That he was severely depressed or that he intended on dying during the mission?"

"Either! When you took charge of Beta, you said you did it to give the squad a chance at surviving!"

"And if my information is still correct, three other members of my squad are in critical condition in the infirmary. Had I not taken charge, how many do you think would have survived? Or better yet, how many of _Zulu_ would still be alive? If you're going to criticize my squad selection, go right ahead. I chose troops with the least to lose, troops that I vetted one-on-one for a week before allowing them onto the squad." Shepard took a breath and continued more calmly. "Lieutenant Rollins was an excellent soldier and loyal friend. He wrestled with his depression for over a decade before joining Beta. In all honesty, I don't think he believed he would survive the mission."

"And you just let him pull the trigger," Kyle said bitingly.

Shepard stood slowly from her chair, Kyle coping her. "Enough!" Hackett said angrily. "Sit back down both of you." He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "We will revisit the subject tomorrow. Both of you are to report to the infirmary before hitting the rack. Dismissed."

* * *

Thirteen hours after securing Torfan, Shepard was back in the port-side observation deck sitting with her arms wrapped around a knee pulled to her chest. Long forgotten memories of Mindoir had resurfaced, giving her relief from re-watching her friend's death. Summers spent in the fields with her father, the scent of freshly disturbed earth and sweat. She'd give just about anything to be there again. "You're late," Shepard said staring at Anderson's reflection in the glass.

"I assumed you would at least _try_ to sleep." He handed her a cup of tea as he sat next to her.

"Thanks," she whispered as she took a drink before having a coughing fit. "Jesus, Anderson! Is that _all_ whiskey?"

He chuckled as she took a smaller sip. "About half. I figured you'd need it after today."

"You are a saint, Anderson." They drank in silence until Shepard finished her drink. "He said I bought him seven more years to protect the galaxy from what he couldn't protect his family from. . . . He _thanked_ me – just out of the blue. I was about to black out, but that- that made me turn and watch as he pulled the trigger." She leaned into Anderson's shoulder. "We joked about how long it would take before either of us caught a bullet, but it never occurred to me that he'd off himself if we survived."

"I'm sorry, Shepard," Anderson whispered.

"I think- . . . I think I'm ready to talk to your shrink," she said almost inaudibly. Content silence stretched until Shepard sat up and stretched. "Shit, I really need sleep."

"Then sleep," he said helping her to her feet. "I'll take care of the rest."

"Thank you," she whispered, pausing to savor the comforting weight of Anderson's hand on her shoulder. Feeling more exhausted than she had in ages, Shepard shuffled slowly back to the comfort of her bunk.

* * *

AN: By far, the most difficult chapter to write - I have at least seven different saved versions that I abandoned before I came up with this. The thing I changed the most was Kyle's attitude during the mission. I originally wrote him as an asshole who couldn't care less about the fact everyone around him was dying, but decided it wasn't remotely believable. I figured the whole Shepard saving the group with biotics would kind of explain why he goes AWOL and starts a biotic cult.

As for Rollins, I never intended on bring him back after he was dismissed from the N7 program until I started writing a battle buddy for this chapter. Why make a new character when I have one just begging to be fleshed out? His death shakes both Shepard and Kyle and, in my little canon, highlights two different ways of dealing with it: Shepard gets help and goes on to become a better leader while Kyle is tormented to the point that he can't continue the mission and leaves the Alliance.

One chapter left and I promise it will be a happy one. Thanks for reading!


	8. Chapter 8: One last assignment

A cool breeze blew across Captain Anderson's face as he spotted Lieutenant Commander Jane Shepard sitting at a table on the patio of the busy bar. A beer in hand, she was chatting up the server looking more at ease than he'd seen her in years.

"Am I interrupting?" he asked with a small grin as he approached the table. The dusk lighting illuminated the patrons in fiery orange and yellow light.

Shepard lazily turned her head his direction. "There you are! I'm on my third beer, Anderson. You're going to have to double fist yours to catch up."

"I think I'll just admit defeat before we start and order one at a time," he said as he sat across from her. "I'll have what she's having."

Shepard watched the server leave to fill Anderson's order with longing. "If only she was a few years older."

"What is she? Seventeen? Eighteen?"

"Twenty," she replied in annoyance, "but I'd rather not go cradle robbing."

"Twenty-nine isn't that old, Shepard." He shook his head chuckling. "Are you enjoying your birthday at all?"

"Sure, the time off is nice. I even took a detour to Mindoir before coming back to _this_ lovely planet."

"How did that go?" he asked after thanking the server for his drink.

Shepard stared off at the skyline in the distance. "Better than I thought it would." She sipped her beer. "There was only one guy there who'd lived through the raid. Ed Lang – he has a kid at C-Sec. We talked for a long time, he even walked me to where I used to live." Another sip. "The colony is huge now, paved streets and everything. It was nice to be back."

"I'm happy for you. Are you planning on going back?" he asked. Overhead, a flock of birds flew silently toward the horizon.

"Yeah," she said after a moment. "Even after all of the places I've been and seen, Mindoir still managed to feel like home."

Anderson savored the hoppy flavor of his drink and digested Shepard's confession. "Careful Shepard, that sort of talk sounds like settling down."

"I suppose so." She shook her head before downing the rest of her drink. "I doubt Hackett would let me even if I wanted to. Any news on _Major_ Kyle?"

"Nothing since the promotion ceremony." Anderson shook his head and sighed. "If it wasn't for your stepping up and leading the second phase of the mission . . . Let's just say Hackett is incredibly impressed with everything you've accomplished."

Shepard laughed and pushed her hair behind her ear as a breeze fluttered through the patio. "Of course he is. I swear, if I see one more batarian outside the Terminus Systems I will Shanghai the nearest ship and take out the hegemony myself."

"That bad?" he laughed.

"My entire career has been nothing but batarians: spying on them, stealing from them, killing them. Just once I'd like to do something interesting like going toe-to-toe with a krogan or an asari commando."

"Should I record this conversation and play it back you as you lie in the infirmary after the fact?"

"Only if you want Dr. Chakwas to _literally_ kill me." She leaned forward, resting her forearms on the table. "I assume you had an _excellent_ reason for dragging me back to Bekenstein."

"I do," Anderson chuckled. "I've been reassigned."

Shepard's face fell. "Shit, I was enjoying working with you, but I guess I'll be getting reassigned too now that the mission is over."

"No thoughts of retiring?"

"Well," she said as she stared at her hands, "I have actually. I just don't know if I'm ready though. I guess it all depends on how shitty my next assignment will be."

"How does being my executive officer on a human-turian prototype frigate sound?"

". . ." Shepard opened and closed her mouth several times, but no words came. ". . . _You're serious?_"

"Of course."

"XO- . . . I- _Anderson, you bastard!_" Shepard laughed almost hysterically. She wiped her eyes with the back of hands. "How long have you been sitting on this?!"

"About three months, but I only received confirmation about two weeks ago." Anderson leaned back and grinned. "So do you accept or do I have to find a new XO?"

"What do you bloody think?!" Shepard took a few deep breaths and sobered up. "Yes, I accept your offer."

"Good, I hadn't bothered coming up with an alternative." He met her incredulous stare and burst out laughing with her.

"Anderson, you give the best birthday presents," she said as she leaned back in her chair.

"Do you want to see the ship?" he asked as he flagged down the server.

"Hell. Yes. I knew you had a good reason for dragging me back here."

* * *

"Maybe it's the beer talking, but I think I'm in love," Shepard said softly as she and Anderson inspected the exterior of the frigate from the high security Alliance hanger.

"She is a sight to behold," Anderson agreed.

"Does she have a name?"

"Normandy."

"Wow."

Anderson chuckled at Shepard's enthusiasm. With her hands and nose pressed against the glass window of the dock, she looked more like an FNG than an N7 with eleven years of combat experience. "Are you done smearing up the window yet?"

"No," she said as she methodically inspected every detail of the hull. "When do we leave?"

"Two weeks. Aside from our Alliance crew, we'll also have a Counsel Representative, a turian spectre."

"Nice. Can we go inside?"

"I'm afraid not. They'll open her up for inspection in four days. You should have your orders by tomorrow."

Shepard pushed off from the window surprised Anderson with a tight hug. "You are seriously the most awesome person I have ever met."

"Shepard, are you going soft on me?" he said with a chuckle.

"No, I'm simply stating a fact," she said as she released him. "Seriously though, thank you."

"You've more than earned it. Now get out of here and enjoy your leave. We'll have plenty of time to talk later."

"If you say so, Captain." Shepard snapped to attention and saluted Anderson, holding it until he reluctantly returned it.

After watching her all but skip out of the hanger, Anderson eventually turned back to the Normandy. In the dim lighting, the frigate looked ethereal, like an artist's masterpiece. _Hopefully she'll be just as enthusiastic after I tell her about her candidacy for the Spectres. _He tore his eyes from his ship and followed Shepard's exit. _I just hope she'll have better luck than I did._

* * *

_A/N: That's all folks. Thanks for giving this a shot and reading. I might continue and write something for the first game, but that's a long way off. (It took me about nine months on and off to write this, so yeah, I'm not a very fast writer.) And then there's LoK stuff to write . . . I think I need weekends in the middle of the week in addition to normal weekends to release all of my inner nerdiness._

_I'd like to give a huge thank you to metaladdict for the feedback - it's always helpful to hear what readers are looking for in a story. Thanks also to everyone who followed/liked my story - I do write for my own enjoyment, but knowing someone else enjoys it too makes it a hundred times better. _

_Until next time, stay spiffy you beautiful people._


End file.
